Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Doorbuster Sales!

Hello, and welcome to the Junior Matlock Club, where we take a look at criminals who should consider an honest living because they just don't have what it takes for a life of crime.  People in real life know this, but for those of you on LiveJournal or following this on feeds, we always start with The Oath, as recited by Barney Fife:

"Now, it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow!  And it is my is ANYBODY'S stop them before they get too far!  Now, THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

So I'm penciling a comic page and have the TV on.  I'm getting ready to record a movie, so I'm only half paying attention to it.  And here comes a news report of some theives in London who decide to appropriate a bunch of goods from an electronics store to sell on the black market.  Pretty standard stuff so far.

The first stage of their plan was actually pretty spectacular.  The plan was to back the van through the front window.  Once inside, everyone would pile out, grab what they could, and split before the police could respond.

Now, when you've been doing to stuff I do, you learn that subtlety is your friend.  If you go for spectacular, that means witnesses of some kind and it increases your chances of getting made.  Extra precautions need to be taken and extra planning doesn't hurt.  These guys smashed through the front know, where all the security cameras are aimed, giving the police a good look at the fan and any distinguishing behaviors of the theives.  Oh, and they didn't wear gloves.  That's Criminal Activity 101, and they failed.

As I said, I had only been paying partial attention, so I wasn't really thinking about where the plan was going awry until one little detail caught my ear -- all the items they stole off the shelves were non-functioning display models.  In other words, plastic shells meant for appearance.

I heard that and looked up, my pencil dropping on the art board in front of me.  I looked at the TV to make sure I had heard right.

Yup.  I sure did.

You'd think they'd have noticed based on how light a 32" TV was that something was amiss.  But they didn't grab a single item that could actually be sold anywhere.  Once again, a little planning goes a long way.

The only thing I wonder is if, since they were non-working displays, they simply got pinched for petty theft instead of larceny.  Well, and B&E.
Tags: important life lessons, junior matlock club, just desserts, stupidity, wtf
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