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I got an e-mail from a game seller.  "Hey!  You like puzzle games!  You like quest games!  There's a new one out now!  Puzzle Quest Galactrix!"

My response was a simple "KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!"

I have developed an aversion to Puzzle Quest roughly analogous to Dracula's reaction to crucifixes.  I'm sorry, but the game cheats.  I don't care what the lead programmer says (he denies it).  Puzzle Quest is based on a really old puzzle game design.  My first exposure to it was a game called Gem Drop.  It got cloned into Bejeweled, where it became a hit for Pop Cap Games.  Since then, everyone and their brother copies this game.  A guy from the area known as Webfoot who was in my LUG did a version called Crystalize.  Paris Hilton used it as the basis of a cell phone game she "created".  Long story short -- I know my way around this thing, I've been playing it almost as long as Tetris, Columns, and Puyo Pop.

The above isn't just to brag, I'm establishing my credentials.  I see the computer making bizarre choices, the complete opposite of what a skilled player would choose.  It would only do those things if it knew what was coming up next.  And what do you know, it starts a massive chain that totally owns my ass.  One chain took me from 88 hit points to 0.  I was playing it on my PSP.  I literally jumped up from my chair and yelled, "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"  The lead programmer said it was random, dumb luck and was just as likely to benefit the player as the CPU.  Uh-huh.  You know how many times I've erased over half of my opponents hit points with one combo from a single three-piece move?  ZERO.  Most I've ever done at once is 46.  After the incident I just mentioned, I turned the game off, took it out of my PSP, and have never played it since.

And yet, the game sells.  Being easy to port, it appears on just about every modern system, rivaling Worms for being crossplatform.  I refuse to spend my money on it unless I get a lot of affidavits from the gaming community that this thing is on the up and up.


Mar. 2nd, 2009 12:57 am (UTC)
Wait... let me get this straight, Paris Hilton had a video game concept copied to make a cell phone game? And the game she had copied is one that is already popular on cell phones?
Mar. 2nd, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
Yes, it is a copy of a copy of a copy for phones that was copied from a copy of a copy....

...and then, your Honor, that was when the Universe collapsed in on itself.

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