And, with the completion of the oath, you renew your membership in the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who should consider honest work as they just don't have the talent for a life of crime.
I decided to pull this one out of the archives, as it gives me giggle fits every time I think about it. This is confirmed true by the Darwin Awards.
So, there's this criminal in Oregon who decides he needs some money. If you need money and you're a criminal, your first thought is going to be to rob somebody. So this guy decides that he's going to stick up a store. Now, when you're considering a life of crime, you need to keep several things in mind. The most important thing is awareness, of yourself and everything around you. This is crucial in Oregon, which has licensed conceal carry laws. It is estimated that half the population is licensed for concealed carry. So if you walk in a room and see ten people, you can safely assume five of them are packing heat.
Next, you are a predator, and you need to choose your prey wisely. The place this guy chose to rob was J&M Leather Goods And Firearms.
That's right...a gun shop. So if you walk in here and see ten people, you can safely assume all of them are strapped.
Getting back to the awareness of your surroundings thing, a cop in full dress blues was standing at the counter, having coffee and talking with the clerk before reporting for duty. His fully marked squad car was parked right out front, in fact.
Now, at this point, the average person would think, "Screw it, I'll just buy a lottery ticket." Not this guy. He marched into the middle of the busy store, pulled his gun, announced it was a stick-up, and fired two shots in the air. Both the cop and the clerk drew their guns and shot back while everyone else in the store pulled their guns and leveled them on the crook to provide cover.
He, uh, didn't make it.