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I get an e-mail from an online friend of mine.  He doesn't really talk, he just sends me links of really weird shit.  Only occasionally, though.  He doesn't flood my inbox.  As a result, when I see his name as the sender, there is an implied message -- you ain't gonna BELIEVE this shit!

Stephen Baldwin has always seemed like the cool member of the Baldwin acting clan.  While his brothers were presenting themselves as fantastic actors (whatever), Stephen was starring with Pauly Shore in Biodome.  Not the best movie, but at least it proved he didn't take himself as seriously as the others.  He was in one of my fave movies, The Usual Suspects.  He also starred in an M&M's commercial where he had to identify which Baldwin brother he was.  But work seemed to dry up for him, and since I'm not exactly waiting in anticipation for any Baldwin projects, I figured he just dropped out.

Nope, he is the victim of a conspiracy in Hollywood because he's born again!  When he appeared on Celebrity Apprentice in 2008, he made a STATEMENT OF FAITH.  Don't get me wrong, I'm born again myself, but I did it to further my spiritual journey, not because I wanted to brag to everybody how wonderful I now was.  I mean, really, does anyone really give Shit One about a statement of faith from me?  Those who don't know me sure don't, and those that do will be going, "Yeah, yeah, great.  That's nice.  How's the Sound Waves Christmas Special coming along?"

Stephen filed bankruptcy in 2009.  He claims work dried up because he became born again and started refusing to work in movies with gratuitous sex and violence.  Well, that's his choice.  Firewater! would have been picked up if I put some tits in it (seriously, one distributor said that just having a scene with a topless woman would have gotten it sold with him), but I chose to make the movie the way I did.  That's just how it goes, and you have to live with it.  (Assuming that's true, and his career didn't just burn out naturally like thousands of others do every year and he's just using the "born again" thing as a convenient scapegoat.  He may be telling us this, but remember, he is an actor.  It's his job to convince us he's sincere.)  But there's a group of people determined to save Stephen from this life.  The Restoration Of Stephen Baldwin (main page is under construction, but this beta link works) is so people can give money to help a brother in Christ while comparing Stephen to Job.

I don't want to seem heartless here, but is this really such a good idea?  I mean, there are others who need help and will never get a chance to succeed.  Some of them are in our own families.  And the best testimonial to your faith is to give money to an actor who isn't part of your neighborhood and/or doesn't know you exist?

Wanting to help your fellow man is a beautiful thing.  I'm just not sure Stephen is the deserving.

In fact, don't give your money to Stephen Baldwin.

GIVE IT TO ME!

Hello, Intertubes!  I am Peter G, and I am a Christian.  A very unusual Christian with conclusions and philosophies that are either very deep or totally silly, and I don't let my religious beliefs get in the way of a good joke, but a Christian nonetheless!  As you know, I work an office job.  Why?  Because I've been rejected by the Powers That Be in the entertainment world.  My movie Firewater! was dismissed as amateurish by other amateur filmmakers.  My first comic was only sold through the publisher's web site, and there are more copies of Duke Nukem Forever than there are copies of Morbid Myths out in the wild.  My first book in comic shops was bungled and only the first issue came out.  No publishers will return my calls.  Game companies won't consider carrying my projects.  I have a comic series that has yet to reach triple digits in sales, and every comic show I've gone to to sell at, both of them, were disasters.

Won't you remember the story of Job and help a Christian instead of giving the money to an orphanage or homeless shelter or your local police and fire departments?  Thank you, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster bless you.

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Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
ying_ko_4
May. 11th, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
This made me laugh out loud...

Great stuff, Peter...
mongrelheart
May. 11th, 2010 01:40 am (UTC)
Help Stephen Baldwin not be in debt any more? I can't think of a more urgent cause, LOL
mornblade
May. 11th, 2010 03:13 am (UTC)
Wait... Stephen Baldwin is filing for bankruptcy and people want to give him money to keep him out of debt? I have to ask... Where are Alec, William, and Daniel? You know, his wealthy brothers. His family. Where are they while all this is going down?

Or are they shunning him because he endorsed a Republican in the last elections?
sinetimore
May. 11th, 2010 03:26 am (UTC)
I'm not sure. I think the official story is that Stephen brought the whole mess on himself, so they are staying hands off. Let's face it, the family is known for overly dramatic spectacle.

Your theory, however? I find it very easy to believe....
ozma914
May. 11th, 2010 06:45 am (UTC)
I buy the political theory.
ozma914
May. 11th, 2010 06:42 am (UTC)
Oh, you lost me at "fire departments". :-) But you may have just invented a whole new genre of fund raising.
sinetimore
May. 11th, 2010 11:31 am (UTC)
Oh, I said fire departments because most of the ones in my area are volunteer. Only one of them is professional.
ozma914
May. 11th, 2010 05:52 pm (UTC)
In my county most of the departments are professional -- but only two have full time career members. ;-) Semantics, I know, but we volunteers do usually strive to be as professionally trained, equipped, and prepared as possible, so we're trying to make it "volunteer" and "career" rather than volunteer and professional. Kind of like the way we're trying to change from "firemen" to "firefighters" considering there are three women on my department. Maybe I'm more sensitive than most on the issue, since I'm the training officer.
sinetimore
May. 11th, 2010 10:32 pm (UTC)
I apologize, I meant no disrespect. My original comment was intended to reflect a belief that the money going to Baldwin could go towards a fire department that needs equipment or has injured members or even just as a thank you. I did not intend to come across like I was being dismissive just because they are volunteers.
ozma914
May. 12th, 2010 05:02 am (UTC)
No, not at all -- hardly anyone thinks of it in those terms, so we're just trying to change the semantics a little at a time! Sadly, there are still some volunteers who are very unprofessional, although now that I think on it there are career firefighters who have that problem, too. In any case, the only Baldwin I've ever really liked is Adam -- and he's not related to the rest.
ozma914
May. 11th, 2010 05:53 pm (UTC)
By the way, I forgot to mention that my daughter has that very same Pikachu!
sinetimore
May. 11th, 2010 10:33 pm (UTC)
Longtime fan myself, and got a whole herd of the little critters. What can I say? I like cute.
ozma914
May. 12th, 2010 05:00 am (UTC)
Cute is good -- way too much non-cute in this world.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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