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"Surreal" Doesn't Begin To Cover It

Welcome to the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who really should consider another line of work, as they don't have what it takes to make it in the field.  Per tradition, we start with the oath, as stated by Barney Fife --

"Now it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow.  And it my duty -- it is ANYBODY'S duty! -- to stop them before they get too far.  NOW THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

Australia is an interesting place.  They have their own little reality there.  I was friends with a native of Australia and the things she would tell me were something else (they don't use as many colloquialisms like you see in the movies and on TV, but when they do, yes, they are that hyperbolic).  For example, the only place you can get Foster's beer in Australia is at touristy spots.  Everyone loved the commercials, though.

So, as anyone who has watched Australian rules football or seen a Yahoo Serious movie or got into a bar fight with Australian sailors (not me, my dad, got thrown twice through a window) will attest, you want to be careful when dealing with Australians, because you just never know what's going to happen.

In Sydney, a 27 year old medical student had just gotten off the train when three toughs tried to mug him, relieving him of his cell phone and iPod.

This happened right across the street from the Ninja Senshi Ryu school.  You read that right.  It is an actual ninja school.

A student was just coming out of class when he saw what was happening.  He immediately called out to the others what was happening.  So the student, three fellow students, and the sensei, Kaylan Soto, shot out to rescue him.

Now, imagine the scene.  You are a mugger.  Based on criminal Darwinism, you are looking for targets weaker than you.  So you pick this medical student coming off a train.  Then you look and see five ninja in their uniforms rushing right at you from across the street.

I'm not sure I would have run.  I'd be too distracted by how awesome it would be to see ninja and probably get my ass kicked.

They weren't distracted.  They ran like hell.  Sensei Kaylan Soto told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, "We started running towards them and they took off. They would have seen five of us in ninja gear ... all in black with our belts on, running toward them.  I think they're probably still running if I'm not mistaken."  Well, not exactly.  Police have caught two of the muggers, a 16 year old and a 20 year old.  The third is probably still running.

Being a criminal is just like running a restaurant -- LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION!  And if you're looking for a location, you might not want to do it across the street from a ninja dojo.

On second thought, you might not want to try criminal activity in a country that was originally a prison colony in the first place.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 20th, 2010 10:42 pm (UTC)
My cousin is getting married to an Aussie guy in July. I've been invited to the bachelor party which is being organized by a sailor. This could get interesting.
May. 20th, 2010 11:29 pm (UTC)
Remember, whatever you do, DO NOT say, "The Queen takes it in the shitter."
May. 21st, 2010 12:36 am (UTC)
"The Queen takes it in the shitter?"
May. 21st, 2010 01:45 am (UTC)

* brawl worthy of a b&w western movie breaks out *
May. 21st, 2010 06:42 am (UTC)
Do they accept immigration from the U.S.?
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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