October 1st, 2009

Peter G

Slice Of Life

First, a cavaet -- I don't watch mixed martial arts.  I just don't trust it to be an actual competition of skill instead of simple brutality (martial arts demos I find a much more fascinating display).  I never much cared for boxing, either.  I know it's called "the sweet science" and all that jazz, but I just didn't see it.  I admit it could be bias on my part, but that's just how it is.

With the rise in popularity of MMA, there was a guy called Kimbo Slice.  He's the only MMA fighter I know by look and name.  Because CBS plastered his mug everywhere when they first started their MMA program.  IIRC, he hadn't fought professionally before (there are a number of videos of him street fighting on YouTube), was super tough, and was going to electrify the MMA world.  He was going to be the Juggernaut of the MMA circuit.

Slice has pretty much bombed out.  I don't think he's won a single match and got his ass handed to him every time.  To his credit, I haven't heard of Slice going around hyping himself as the greatest thing to walk the Earth, but everyone around him has.  Slice has returned on The Ultimate Fighter, the reality show on Spike TV.  In an interesting twist, TUF is presenting Slice as a humble underdog everyman trying to prove his worth against people he can't hope to beat -- kind of like Rocky in the original movie.  His scrappiness and heart are becoming his selling points.  Even though he was saved by the bell in the first round and it was called early in the second, he was still getting praised for getting out there.

I don't want to pick on Slice.  Or, more accurately, I refuse to.  The guy has a wife and kids, and like any decent human being, wants to help provide for them.  With the MMA circuit, he has a chance to make some decent coin, and I don't begrudge the guy that.  "Let's see -- the best way I can provide for my family is by letting myself be used as a punching bag and be repeated humiliated on national TV."  Right or wrong, that takes guts.  It's also why I'm not exactly hinging on the excitement of his "underdog" role.  I mean, I'm hoping for the best for the guy, but his life is not his own.  He is just part of an entertainment machine, which is packaging him in a way to hook viewers and bring in ad money.

I won't watch the show, I don't care to.  But somewhere, I hope that Slice gets a fair shake.  And that somewhere down the line, he finds a way to provide for his family that doesn't require sacrificing his pride.
Kermit And Piggy

'Til Endorsement Deals Do Us Part

You know, a year ago, I had never even heard of the Gosselins.  That's what I get for not watching much TV.

Jon And Kate Plus Eight stars two media whores and their exploited children.  The marriage was sour and Jon got busted with a mistress.  Suddenly, everyone was interested in the train wreck.  Won't someone think of the children?  Why bother, there's money to be made.

Kate, who seems the most determined to keep herself on TV, had TLC, the channel the show runs on, retitle the program Kate Plus Eight, freezing hubby out.  Today, Jon Gosselin filed a C&D.  As a parent, he can keep his kids from being video taped.  Show's over.  And apparently, viewers tuned in not to see two parents juggle eight kids, but to watch the two of them bicker.

So, if they want money and celebrity, they have to work with someone they absolutely despise.

If only the kids weren't in the middle, it would be perfect justice.

How Much Will Those Sigs Get On eBay?

Hello, folks, and welcome to America's favorite reality show, DOUCHEBAGS ON PARADE!  I'm your host, Peter G.  Tonight's episode is being presented commercial free!  Why, we must something reeeeeeeeally special if we have so much stupidity, the stupidity of commercials is an afterthought.  Well, you're thinking right!

Anyone who thinks this has something to do with Roman Polanski, give yerselves a cigar!  (But please smoke it outdoors at least ten feet from an entrance.)  The other day, we presented Whoopi Goldberg, who's stance about rape-rape was amazingly shitheaded on its own.  But then again, she's a talking head on a talk show, where the requirement is to avoid the dreaded "dead air".  So people will say things either without thinking them through or without the clarity that will help make intentions absolutely clear.  So, if someone wants to take the crown from Whoopi, it has to be someone who has made their intentions crystal clear and has had time to weigh whether or not something is a good idea before throwing themselves under the train.

What's that?  We got someone who fits that bill?  We got 138 someones who fit that bill?!?

138 Hollywood folks (producers, directors, actors, etc.) have signed a petition "demand[ing] the immediate release" of Roman Polanski.  Folks, it's time to build our houses inside out and finish the asylum.

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Here's the TL;DR version -- lots of French names (what a surprise).  Among the more WTF names are Woody Allen (yup, the guy who thought it was a good idea to marry his girlfriend's daughter.  What an endorsement), Pedro Almodovar, Asia Argento, Monica Bellucci, Penelope Cruz (finally, she did something more insane than date Tom Cruise!  You go, girl!), Jonathan Demme, Terry Gilliam (WHY, GOD, WHY?!?), Buck Henry (same thing), John Landis, Larry Levine, David Lynch, Michael Mann, Richard Pena, Brett Ratner, Martin Scorsese, Tilda Swinton, and Vangelis.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the genius creators of South Park, said that 90% of all people in Hollywood are douchebags.  It's nice of them to let us know who they are so we can avoid them.