Today, at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, a company called TrueCompanion is unveiling Roxxxy, a robotic girlfriend. Hey, Roxxxy! Watch me pull a prophylactic out of my hat!
According to Douglas Hines (a former artificial intelligence engineer at Bells Labs before founding TrueCompanion), "She can't vacuum, she can't cook but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean." (I keep thinking of Chris Rock's reaction to that statement: PAINT MY HOUSE! And no, I'm not going to bother with the chauvinism of Hines' statement.) "She's a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person." Five foot seven, 120 pounds, C cup. Oh, and a liquid cooling system. Sorry, guys, there are some times you just can't win.
Hines was inspired by 9/11. "I had a friend who passed away in 9/11. I promised myself I would create a program to store his personality, and that became the foundation for Roxxxy True Companion." You gotta love a sex doll as a tribute to a departed friend's memory.
Not only does she come with five selectable personalities, but supposedly, you can engineer your own and swap them over the Internet. "Just think about wife or girlfriend swapping without actually giving the person to someone else." Is it just me, or is that a little bit creepy?
You know, anyone who knows the human sex drive (and if you spend any time on the Internet, how could you not?) is not the least bit surprised by this. We all knew this "Cherry 2000" thing was coming, it was just a question of when.
Depending on features, it'll cost you $7,500 to $9,500. But if you have that kind of money, shouldn't you be able to get a real woman?
I know I'm taking a lot of cheap shots. I'm sorry. I know there are guys who dig these things, there are web sites and calendars and such for glamour shots of these things, and I shouldn't be judgmental, but I can't help it. I think sex dolls are funny. When I shot the movie Firewater!
, there was a scene where the CPR dummy was replaced with a sex doll and it took all my will power not to bust up during the scenes. I explained, "It just lays there motionless staring at nothing while you hump it. You know, sort of like my ex." (Thank you, don't forget to tip your waiter.) I find the $20 pool-toy quality ones funny. I find the $5,000 "skin is silcone and the orifices are kevlar" ones funny. It is very easy to reduce me to hysterics with one of these.
For you guys who go the other way, there is a male version called Rocky in development. And now, all I can think of is that scene from Team America: World Police
You know, if people could channel half the energy they invest in sex into other things, we'd have that cancer thing fixed in a week!