February 16th, 2011

Enchanting Mermaid

Ten Day Meme: Day One

Stolen from clionona ....

Day One:  Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Day One:  Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1)  You don't know much about me because I won't let you learn much about me.  You are so quick to assume you are right and that anyone who disagrees with you is an idiot who needs to be educated.  Needs YOU to educate them.  Even when you are in the wrong, like when every person working in an industry tells me this is how to do it and you INSIST your way is just fine, even though you know fuck all about anything and your advice will actually set me further back.

2)  I won't let you learn much about me, either.  Your tendency to take little things about me and use them as an emotional cudgel angers the fuck out of me, especially when it's something I tell you in confidence.  You still don't believe you cost me that gig by talking to the guy and lobbying him by telling him aaaaaaaall about me, destroying any professional vibe I had created.  Your solution to my shyness was to make sure everybody in the friggin' room hugged me and paid attention to me, which only made me feel worse.  Whether or not you mean it, you abuse personal information and I will keep it away from you as a defensive mechanism.

3)  After everything I did wrong, the fact that you are still there for me and never even considered kicking me to the curb means more than I can ever express.

4)  Same to you, old friend.  I'm sorry I didn't keep up with all of you.  Now, we're still in contact, but separated by distances that feel like entire worlds.  I know we'll catch up to each other some day, and it's going to be one awesome reunion.

5)  And to you, almost the same thing as above, and I will beat you one day.  You laugh, and frankly, I'm laughing, too.  But without that ambition, I only get worse.

6)  You can suck a rock out of my ass.  I am done paying for your manipulations.  That I didn't lose my friends thanks to you is nothing less than a miracle.

7)  You recently reconnected with me.  Are you sure you're not nuts?

8)  You have taught me so much.  I know you say I would have figured this out on my own, probably not as quickly but still pretty fast given my legendary impatience.  But make no mistake -- I wouldn't be what I am now without you, and I like what I'm becoming.  Please keep up the good work.

9)  For someone who decided to be friends with me just because, it's amazing how close we've become.  Thank you for coming into my life.

10)  I DO NOT HAVE MERMAIDS ON THE BRAIN, GODDAMMIT!!!  (Note:  that can go to more than one person.)
Barney Fife

Junior Matlock Club -- Maybe She Should Have Taken Her Foot Off The Clutch

"Now, it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow. And it is my duty -- it is ANYBODY'S duty! -- to stop them before they get too far.  NOW THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

And, by completing the oath, you reaffirm your membership in good standing with the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who really should consider honest work because they don't have what it takes for a life of crime.

Today's entry landed on my desk with a splat after being thrown in from Rochester Hills, Michigan.  Yup, the state with so much crap, they needed two piles.  Rochester Hills is in the Down Dere section of Michigan (as opposed to the Up Nort section).  A woman from Pontiac named Jerrie Perkins has been arrested and released on $15,000 bond for unarmed robbery, resisting and obstructing a police officer and second-degree retail fraud.

On paper, Perkins' plan was pretty solid.  She boosted $600 worth of electronic merch and gunned her getaway vehicle.  So how did she get caught?

Well, the problem was the getaway vehicle.

Perkins is 5'2" and 400 lbs.

She tried to make her getaway on her Rascal scooter.

It got stuck in the doorway and she couldn't move.

Perkins rolled through the door alarm while leaving and set it off.  A loss prevention officer came up and asked for a receipt for the items.  Perkins responded to this by punching the LPO in the face and shoving her.

Perkins wasn't going anywhere.  A sheriff's deputy came up and asked Perkins to put her hands behind her back.  Perkins “cursed at the deputy, balled her right hand into a fist and took a fighting stance."  You know, considering she's stuck in a motorized chair and the chair isn't moving, this might not be the most intimidating thing she could have done.  Maybe she was hoping the deputy would run into her fist really fast.

The deputy then pulled out his Taser and told her to put her hands behind her back.  Perkins raised her fist over her head and just looked at the deputy.  FZZZAP!  She got Tased, bro.  She then put her hands behind her back and went to the pokey.

So, if you are considering a life of crime, diet and exercise go a long way.  Oh, and a vehicle more reliable than a Power Wheels without a receipt.

The Whole Shooting Match

I say, Politicians are stupid.

You say, Prove it.

I say, Okay, suck on this....

The South Dakota legislature recently had a committee look over a bill and approve it.  It is sponsored by Rep. Phil Jensen.  It changes the state's definition of justifiable homicide.  Wording is added that would justify homicide "while resisting an attempt to harm” that person's unborn child or the unborn child of that person's spouse, partner, parent, or child.

Now, you have ten seconds to guess what is wrong with the above....

Okay, pencils down.  Time's up.

If you answered, "This could be used to legally kill abortion providers," you win the game!  Make no mistake, it is a realistic threat.  Since 1993, eight doctors have been assassinated and another 17 have seen attempts made on their lives.

News wires picked this up yesterday, and today, Jensen told the Washington Post he's "looking at" some changes to protect abortion providers.  Ya think?

It appears this isn't an attempt to erode a woman's right to choose, just an attempt to extend law without considering how it might be abused.  But either way, this guy ain't looking any smarter.