March 7th, 2011


Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger....No, Wait, Make That Younger

It started with the Muppet Babies in the early 80's.  Suddenly, everyone was jumping on the bandwagon to make cute younger marketable versions of their characters.  (Not only did I notice this, but it was lampooned by others from Steve Purcell in Sam And Max -- Freelance Police to Making It by former Blue Sky Ranger Keith Robinson).  And it continues to this day.  A series is creatively bankrupt?  Make 'em kids!  The licensing rights alone will make it worthwhile.

Now, lately, the baby versions have been happening and actually have some good stuff.  Tiny Titans is great stuff, for example.  Marvel's Super Hero Super Squad?  ...not so much.  But they are getting out there not because they've wrung everything they can out of their "parent" series but because it's the thing to do.

Now comes word that Archie is publishing its first graphic novel.  Archie Babies.

Maybe Sound Waves Babies...nah, the girls are only 14.  So much for the gravy train.

Two Spider-Men, No Waiting!

Jim Shooter gave an interview and talked about how Marvel, back in the 80's, licensed The Amazing Spider-Man to one film producer and The Spectacular Spider-Man to another film producer because the licensing department thought they were two separate characters.

He also mentioned that the Avengers was licensed to one producer, Iron Man to another, and when they realized Iron Man was part of the Avengers, the lawsuits started.

And they made jokes about Assistant Editors Month....

Snap Judgments -- Iron Man 3

Hello, and welcome to Snap Judgments, where I take pure speculation and sketchy facts and try to make an educated guess about whether or not the project is going to crash and burn.

Shane Black recently did a bit where he gave hints about what to expect since he is the official director and writer for Iron Man 3.

Apparently, the studio was not happy with the second film and it's "two men fighting in iron suits" thing.  (Uh, it did work for the first movie, which was two men fighting in iron suits, but whatevs.)  He's claiming there'll be no crossover cameos (Nick Fury) in 3.  And he's claiming that the movie will have sort of a Tom Clancy vibe.


The typical way sequels are done is you make things bigger and bolder.  Tim Burton's first Batman was followed by one with two villains!  Sam Raimi's whole resume is about making sequels bigger (Evil Dead, anyone?).  Going Tom Clancy?  Which is quite likely -- kidnapping is a recurring theme in Shane Black's works (Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, etc.)  But turning Iron Man into Solid Snake is not only a step backwards, it's a waste.  Iron Man is designed for big action set pieces with lots of shit going boom.  Hit and run tactics (I'm getting a real Metal Gear Solid vibe here, or possibly Rhodey getting kidnapped to try and reverse engineer the War Machine armor, I'm not sure Pepper would be a target) are not what he is suited for, and not what the public will pay to see.

So, if this holds up, 3 is going to be a washout.  I know there were lots of people disappointed in 2 (I wasn't one of them, I loved it), but if you think you're disappointed now, you better pray this doesn't come to pass like this.
Kermit And Piggy

You're Slipping, Peter! Why Didn't You Think Of This?!?

J. Scott Campbell did a gag comic panel showing Charlie Sheen as a Thundercat because of the whole "tiger blood" thing.  Then, Ty Templeton did a short comic with Charlie Sheen versus Galactis.  They were cute in their way, but nothing, I guess.

And then, this....

Oh, man...what's scary is, even though this is a gag, it totally works....

On The Court

I'm perfectly happy not paying attention to basketball anymore.  I don't care that the Chicago Bulls are doing well, when the team quit on Skiles, that was the end for me.

Could be worse.  I could be a Miami Heat fan.

Hello, Dwayne Wade.  Your coach says that some of you were crying in the locker room after your shot rimmed out in the last seconds and the Bulls squeaked by you by a point to sweep the season series 3-0.  And you're going to the media and saying that you're doing exactly what the fans want -- you're losing.  That should make us happy.

Listen, you pissing your jock strap little crybaby, people would not be hoping you would collapse if you hadn't acted like such a dickhead when the team got put together.  You were forecasting an NBA title for the Heat months before the season opened.  People like me who pointed out teams with three superstars NEVER do well, you didn't say you were going to work hard as a unit, you said we didn't know what we were talking about.  We'd be hoping the grand experiment worked if you acted with some dedication.

And now, our observations are coming true, players are crying (in March?!?  There's still a lot of season left!), and you're acting like spoiled brat.  Suffer, bitch.