April 29th, 2011

Sound Waves DUH

Any Chance He Can Make Like The Silent Film Stars For A While?

The timeline --

Charlie Sheen gets sacked from Two And A Half Men.

Chuck Lorre says he's considering options, but both he and Warner Bros. don't want Sheen back.

Sheen starts talking during his shows and interviews that he wants to come back on the show.

Lorre confirms he's reworking Two And A Half Men.

Sheen insults Lorre, calling him a "sad silly fool," an "asshole pussy loser" and a "low rent, nut-less sociopath" and saying "no one cares about your feeble show without me."

Man.  I can't imagine why Lorre won't try to bring him back on the show.

"No one cares about your feeble show without me."  You know, some of us didn't care about the show WITH you.

I actually find this latest rant interesting because it finally explains Sheen's behavior.  Consider this passage:

"MY fans may tune in for a minute, but at the end of the day, no one cares about your feeble show without me.  Shame on you. Not even a phone call to the man that put you on the map. The man that put 500 million dollars in your pockets. You were on your way out of Warner Bros. with a buy out and a cup of cold coffee in your shaky and clammy hands. And then I walked into your office. And you created a show BASED ON MY AWESOME LIFE. I busted my a-- for 8 years to support your vision. Your dream. In turn, it is my nightmare."

This is that girl or boy you dumped in junior high, who couldn't wait to tell you how much your life was going to suck without them and things would never be the same.

Charlie pushed too far, and Lorre dumped him.  And instead of acting like, "Oh, I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you," he's continuing to act petulant.  It's the old, "You'll be sorry when I'm gone!" writ large.

Long time ago, I broke up with a girl who was hyping on me.  She said, "Things will never be the same without me!"

Unable to take it anymore, I rolled my eyes and said, God, I hope so!

She started throwing shit at me.

I just want to run into Chuck Lorre, the two of us go find a diner, and jaw for the rest of the night.....

This Little Light Of Mine, I'm Gonna Let It Shine

There is a scientific conference coming up on May 1, and I'm anxiously awaiting it.

A team of Romanian and Japanese scientists claim to have found a way to replace an engine's spark plug with a laser.

Yes, really.

Regular spark plugs only ignite the air/fuel mixture in the immediate vicinity of the spark gap.  What's more, the ends corrode over time.  The new discovery has three high pulse lasers made of ceramic powder and pressed into spark plug-sized cylinders.  Each one fires at a different depth, more thoroughly igniting the air/fuel mixture in the cylinder.

I'm not entirely sure I buy this.  First, there is the question of energy expenditure.  Spark plugs take a lot of energy to work.  So do high pulse lasers.  Also, what if the gas isn't a completely clean mixture?  Could pollutants reduce the effectiveness of the lasers?

Like I said, I'm anxiously awaiting this.

Kittens Don't Like That!

Aw, aren't they adorable?

This is a picture of 15 year old Laura Gibson and her friends, residents of Edinburgh, Scotland.

Gibson has cancer.

In March, she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma and has been being treated at the Sick Kids' Hospital.

Naturally, no one knows what to do and they are trying desperately to keep Gibson's spirits up.  Then, a brainstorm.  Let's all go to the zoo!  And this was going to be just a bundle of kicks.  They decided to go on Easter Sunday.  Gibson's mom made them Easter bunny costumes.  Well, most of them.  Gibson and her three friends, Hannah, Kirsty and Becki Nicholson got the bunny costumes.  Gibson's brother, Cameron, is a spring chicken.  So they all piled in the car, got to the zoo, put on their costumes, walked up to the ticket counter.

The manager refused to allow them in the zoo.  His reason?  Their attire was "inappropriate."  He was concerned that people walking around the zoo in bunny costumes could freak out the animals.  Zoo PR manager Rachel Goddard said, "Laura and her friends weren't denied access, simply asked to remove their costumes before going in.  There is very real evidence that humans in costume cause distress to some of the zoo animals. This is particularly the case with our chimpanzees, who get very anxious and disturbed (How about that?  Even animals get freaked out by furries!  --G).  When we have our own costumed characters onsite, we ensure they're away from the animal enclosures."

Gibson took it to her blog.  "Arrived at the zoo and went to the ticket desk where the manager said weren't allowed in due to our inappropriate attire that would scare and upset the animals and cause them 'psychological damage'. OH PUH-LEASE.  There are people with face paint and masks and we weren't allowed in wearing bunny costumes."  The group went bowling in their costumes instead.  No word on there being any Klingons in the bowling alley.  (If you don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations, you're normal.)

And I thought PeTA's "sea kittens" campaign was the dumbest animal welfare thing I'd ever heard of.

Suddenly, It's "The Four Yorkshiremen"

Jesus tits....

There are sometimes you just want to smack people.  You want to euthanize them so that you can open their heads and try to figure how in the hell their brain (assuming they have one) functions.

I know I take a lot of cheap shots at politicians.  And I know not all politicians are bad, it's just that 95% of them give the other 5% a bad name (I'm such a bitch).  But I'm about to present a truly non-partisan stance, one that anyone, regardless of where they are on the political spectrum, can look at and go, Jesus, dude!

Up in Michigan, State Sen. Bruce Casswell (R - Mars) came up with a budget proposal.  Foster kids would only be allowed to buy clothes from used or second hand stores.  I'm figuring he means Goodwill and such, not consignment shops.  The kids would get gift cards that could only be used at such stores.

"I never had anything new.  I got all the hand-me-downs. And my dad, he did a lot of shopping at the Salvation Army, and his comment was — and quite frankly it’s true — once you’re out of the store and you walk down the street, nobody knows where you bought your clothes.”  He claims the plan will save the state money, although how much the state spends on clothes now and how much would be saved, no one knows.  Casswell has yet to show his math.

“Honestly, I was flabbergasted,” says Gilda Jacobs, executive director of the Michigan League of Human Services. “I really couldn’t believe this. Because I think, gosh, is this where we’ve gone in this state? I think that there’s the whole issue of dignity. You’re saying to somebody, you don’t deserve to go in and buy a new pair of gym shoes. You know, for a lot of foster kids, they already have so much stacked against them.”

Hey, I have a novel idea!  How about, instead of making the citizens suffer, these asshole politicians do without?  Lead by example!  You know you can afford it, what with all the kickbacks and graft.
Barney Fife

Junior Matlock Club -- Why Do You Think They Call It "FAILBook?"

"Now, it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow. And it is my duty -- it is ANYBODY'S duty! -- to stop them before they get too far.  NOW THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

And, by completing the oath, you reaffirm your membership in good standing with the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who really should consider honest work because they don't have what it takes for a life of crime.

On March 23, the International Bank of Commerce on Eldridge Parkway in Houston, TX, got robbed.  At 5:45PM, there were only two tellers on duty, 19 year old Estefany Martinez and Anna Margarita Rivera.  Two gunmen in plastic masks bought from a dollar store (and at least one plastic gun -- he left it at the scene) burst in to the bank.  They jumped the counter and demanded money at gunpoint.  One cleaned out the cash drawer while the other had Martinez and Rivera take him to the vault.  The girls put tracking devices in the money bags, and the bandits split.

It took a little over a week and a Crime Stoppers tip, but police unraveled the crime and pinned on Martinez, her 19 year old boyfriend Ricky "Ricko Gee" Gonzalez, Rivera, and her 22 year old brother Arturo Solano.

What put them on the scent of these criminal masterminds?


Two days before the heist, Martinez posted, "Get $$$."  Two days after the heist, she posted, "IM RICH BITCH!!!"  The day after the heist, Gonzalez posted, "WIPE MY TEETH WITH HUNDEREDS!  WIPE MY ASS WITH FIFTIES!"  He also posted, "U HAVE TO PAST THE LINE SOMETIMES!! TO GET DIS MONEY!!"

Rivera grassed on the lot of them, it was apparently her idea.  She was working in the bank the previous November when it was stuck up, and told investigators she "believed staging the robbery would be easy" since she'd never heard of anyone being arrested for that incident.  She and Martinez engineered the whole thing, including instructing Gonzalez and Solano to ditch the bags with the tracking devices as quickly as possible.  The plan was hatched about a month earlier.

Martinez was planning to go to college.  That's going to be on hold for up to ten years now.

Some people like me are very paranoid about what we put on the Internet.  Some people could use some of what we're having.
Peter G

Jumping Through Hoopes

As much fun as it is to pick on Rob Granito, the fact is, he's just a putz.  He shot his mouth off and got busted.  Ultimately, he's a fun target, but at the end of the day, that's all he is.  A clown.  There for our amusement.  That's it.  For all his faults, however, Granito is not truly evil.  He's a petty criminal.

The real criminals, the ones who don't deserve mockery but genuine hatred, are still out there.

Take a good look at this asshole.

This is Mister Josh Hoopes.  (Some of you already know where this is going.)  Hoopes is an unrepentant con man and thief.  His MO is like this -- he brokers comic companies.  He will contact companies, saying he's a great artist (one time, he even told prospective employers he was Art Adams.  Tokyopop fell for it and nearly had a deal in place before the truth came out), flash his portfolio of stolen art, and get a gig.  Meanwhile, he finds artists down here in the trenches looking for work and offers them their Big Break, taking advantage of the fact that we will work cheap to try and build our brands.  He gets a check from the studio and the scripts, and hands the scripts and a smidge of the money to the artists, then gives the completed art to the studios, claiming he drew it.  This continues until Hoopes gets enough swag, then he vanishes.  Oftentimes, the publishers and artists have no idea they've been scammed unless the artist confronts the publisher at a convention demanding payment for using their work (which has happened).  Hoopes lays low for a while, then starts his scam up again.

There's an unofficial network of people keeping an eye out for him and, once sighting is confirmed, will spread the word like the Trump Of Doom.  The central mailer is Rich Johnston at Bleeding Cool, who was exposing Hoopes and his fraud back when he was writing Lying In The Gutters (read it, and despair).  He's got pictures.  He's got audio of phone calls.  Any information is passed on to authorities.  And every time, everyone waits, because they know, like the axe murderer in a slasher film, he'll be back eventually....

Hoopes has broken surface again.

The following has been posted on Freelanced.com and ArtWanted.com:

Hello there!!!! My name is David johnson and I am part of the creative team and creative talent scout for Wizard Magazine and various industry houses. we will bill launching a creative story talent search here in the next few weeks and are letting any and all story creators know that now is the time to get your foot in the door!! That’s right if you think you have that great story that deserves recognition, then now is your chance. we have teamed up with a group of artist such as Mark sylvestri, bob layton and more to help in the process. if you have a creative team then great all we are asking is a full story proposal of 10 or more pages. Plus synopsis. remember hundreds and thousands of readers will be viewing and judging your work, as well as our stafff. So we are offering these industry artists work at a very reduced rate. The pay off is that every one will be seeing your book with the art of a pro instead of your friend from down the block, right. Please be serious and keep all questions to a minimum. Be professional and patient i will get back to everyone. Cheers. David Johnson talentstorm@gmail.com

Yeah, this looks really suspicious.  But when you're dealing with people in the trenches, hope can blind you to a lot of potential problems.

A writer in Africa was contacted by Johnson, who claimed to be working in association with Marvel, DC, and Image, and told he was chosen from thousands of submissions.  He would have to cough up $3,500 for a pro level artist, but since it was a creator owned comic, the revenue would make up for it.  He PayPal'ed $1,700, and when the transaction record showed up, it showed the money went to one Josh Hoopes.

Hoopes' current email address for finding victims is talentstorm@gmail.com.  The Paypal address he is using is wizardgram@live.com.

Spread the word.

We must watch out for each other.