June 11th, 2011

Peter G

Snap Judgments -- Supergirl #1

Welcome to another installment of Snap Judgments, where I take a look at sketchy information about an upcoming project and make a WAG (Wild Ass Guess) as to whether or not it'll be any good.

Today's subject is the new Supergirl comic that will be starting up after Flashpoint ends.  Here's the solicitation information for Supergirl #1 --


Written by MICHAEL GREEN and MIKE JOHNSON  Art and cover by MAHMUD ASRAR

On sale SEPTEMBER 21 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T

Meet Supergirl. She’s got the unpredictable behavior of a teenager, the same powers as Superman – and none of his affection for the people of Earth. So don’t piss her off!

Hmm...what does that remind me of?  Oh, yes.  This image from the "Draw Supergirl" meme that went around....

You might want to click on the image, then click on it again to get a good look at the shoes.

I have stated before that the current crop of writers doesn't have Clue One what to do with Supergirl.  As Keith Giffen pointed out, she's written inconsistently, and is either an innocent, a well-meaning klutz, a slut, or a bitch, depending on who the writer is at that particular moment.  She's not depicted heroically anymore.  The description from the solicitation makes it sound like they've abandoned the pretense of making her a legitimate character and are just making her petulant.

This is actually a problem.  Character arcs are anathema in comics.  Many have talked about "the illusion of change", making it seem like the characters are advancing when, in reality, they aren't.  Peter Parker, for example, may have graduated high school, but the change was an illusion.  He was still simply a student.  It would be one thing if Supergirl was to start off and start to understand why heroism is so important, for her to start off thinking her cousin was a dip but then start to understand why.  But you need time to make such an epic change, and an editorial staff with the desire and attention span to see it happen.

Supergirl is simply another "bad girl" comic now, but without the sex appeal that makes the bad girls such a hit.  The creative staff doesn't inspire much confidence, either.  Superman is a big Boy Scout.  Supergirl is supposed to be a big Girl Scout.  Unlike those two Kryptonians, that just doesn't fly anymore.

Oh, and just for the hell of it, here's a drawing of Supergirl I did a while ago while waiting on hold on the phone.  Yes, I really was on hold that long....



Dear Jim Lee and Dan Didio,

Enclosed is the concept art, three completed scripts, and the general overview for the relaunch of Sound Waves.  I agree with you that, after just two years and eight issues, things have gotten a bit out of hand and really need to be corrected.  I mean, building on previous stories is really limiting what I can do with these characters, but rather than create something new that stands on its own, a relaunch is best, as it incorporates the pre-existing audience with those looking for something dynamic and new.

You will notice, from the concept art, that Rhapsody and Melody are not drawn like they are fourteen anymore.  Don't worry, their bodies will make everyone think they are legal even if the faces don't (which means we should be able to get Art Adams to do a cover for us.  See example image at right).  Sure, some fans will be lost because they might, for some unknown reason, think this is "creepy".  But the number of fans the series will gain as well as the attention of the press and fans will more than make up for it.  To keep fans from registering shock from conflicting art styles on the cover of the book and the inside, I suggest Adams do the covers and HitmanN do the interiors, since he's also big on the "But they're totally adults!" art style.  Besides, it's not like anyone else is hiring him, and he makes Rob Liefeld's anatomy look good in comparison.

The new direction of the stories will get people talking.  It will be set on a different Earth than the one the DCnu takes place in.  Humans and merpeople share the world and are aware of each other's existence.  Some humans are invited to live among the merpeople like exchange students.  Rhapsody is one such lucky human attending a merperson university.  What no one realizes is that she doesn't need the undersea gear that other humans do.  Because she can sing like the merpeople, she can actually survive underwater without it.  She keeps it secret, then discovers that is the best thing to do.  The merpeople actually have sinister designs for humans, and think that they can't be observed or discovered because humans can't go where they can.  Rhapsody becomes a sort of covert spy to save her people.

Melody is a princess of the merpeople king, and initially regards Rhapsody as she does all humans.  But Melody changes her mind when she and Rhapsody start to develop feelings for each other.  Lesbians are just soooooooo hot.  This is going to make us totally cutting edge.  I recognize, since this takes place underwater, that the two of them seeing each other nude in the shower and weakening from their passion can't happen, but there's other ways to kickstart a sexual vibe we can exploit, I'm not worried about it.

Or do you really think the 257th relaunch of Aquaman is going to outsell this?  You could have Arthur Curry acting as a roadie for Jabberjaw and the Neptunes and no one would care.

If you are concerned about how this will fit with the new directives on modesty, let me reassure you everything is set.  Melody may be nude from the waist down, but the mermaid tail provides a convenient dodge.  Rhapsody's dress will retain its length to conform to editorial directives while being suggested as being made of a flimsier material that enables things to be seen easier through it and making it more clingy.  I'm glad you got rid of the Comics Code Authority, we need room on the cover for the Pedobear Seal Of Approval.

The important thing (aside from the lesbianism) is that it takes place on a different Earth.  The merpeople do have access to magic.  This enables them to travel great distances and even entire realms.  This will be important in a few years when you want to redo the DC Universe again, because the characters can be the trigger for all the worlds risking merging into one and what will and won't survive.  From the standpoint of creating an event every few years, Sound Waves now has the potential to keep that lucrative area going without resorting to anything lame like the Superboy punch.

I haven't worked out an actual storyline yet.  I figure we'll just see what people react to and we'll build something around that.  Hey, it worked for Lost.  And anyone who complains about continuity, they'll eventually leave, and all that will be left is the readers who are there for the lesbianism.

I'm truly excited for the opportunity you are giving me to leave the all-ages kiddie stuff behind and work on things intended for adults.  I think we have an excellent chance of succeeding where other titles have failed.  I'm currently negotiating to get Traci Lords as a booth babe at C2E2 next year.


Or not.

Really.  Whatever.
This Makes Me Moist

Ah, The Quest For Respectibility Of An Ex-Prison Colony

Welcome to Melbourne, Victoria, Australia.  It's a place of wonderful scenery, meaning lots of outdoorsy stuff, including swimming, walking, and (given that this is Australia) nude beaches.

Charles Jacobsen is an owner of a retirement village with an 11 hectare private estate on Moondah Beach.  It sits next to a public foreshore reserve in Mount Eliza.  It, in turn, is next to Sunnyside North, one of Melbourne's four "clothing optional" beaches.  Jacobsen wants to build a 400 meter fence on the public foreshore reserve.  Why?  He wants to gay-proof the beach.  No, I'm not being reactionary, he has explicitly stated that is the reason.  He claims that Sunnyside North has become a pickup spot for gays, who will abscond into the brush of the public reserve engage in acts of mutual recreation and pleasure.  (Does he really think it's only gays sneaking over there for, you should pardon the expression, a roll in the hay?  Or should I describe it with the Australian slang term for outdoor camping, Earthing?)

Side note:  I would want a fence built, but for a different reason.  From my observations, most of the people who go to nude beaches are people you don't want to see nude in the first place.  But I digress.

Mayor Graham Pittock made the obvious statement that the proposed fence explicitly targeted at homosexuals and violated Victoria's human rights charter.  "'This was always about stopping behaviour that he [Mr Jacobsen] found disgusting. Obviously, people can't be denied access to public spaces because of their sexual preference.''

Jacobsen isn't done putting his foot in his mouth, either.  He cheesed off more people by saying that gay men can be identified by their choice of luggage.  Yeah, the hanky code is just soooooo 80's.  "When we saw a man running along the beach with a backpack, Mr Jacobsen said this was a giveaway sign of a homosexual,' said Leigh Eustace.  Yeah, you can easily tell the difference between gay and straight men that way.  Straight men just keep bragging about their Ferraris.

As the fence is going to be built on public land, it has to come up for a vote, and there are pockets of support among the community.  There's also resistance, as this cartoon from Matt Golding shows:

Let's hope common sense wins out.

Germans Can Do The Wurst

Stop me if you heard this one....

A priest, a rapist, and a child molester walk into a bar.  And that's just the first guy!

Homeopathy gets an interesting rap.  Some people think that they are just sugar pills, some people think they motivate people's bodies to heal themselves.

There are people who still feel homosexuality is a biological misfunction.

You can guess where this is going.

A Catholic doctors' association in Germany is claiming they can "cure" homosexuality through homeopathy.  They also hasten to add they only do this to willing volunteers.

The Lesbian And Gay Federation in Germany, naturally, is not amused.  The Union Of Catholic Physicians (UCP), however, insists they are not being discriminatory.  It writes on its website that "homosexuality is not an illness" but their treatments can keep such "inclinations" at bay.  "We know about a number of people with homosexual feelings who find themselves in a spiritual and psychological emergency and suffer greatly," said UCP head Gero Winkelmann in a written statement. "If someone is unhappy, ill or feels they are in an emergency, they should be able to find options for help with us."

I just hate that, even after all this time and all these advances, there are still people that treat homosexuality like a disease.  And I'll bet you a dollar to a doughnut hole that some of those people campaigning against it are as queer or queerer than the people they publicly shame.

Hey, if that stuff really works, how about shipping some to the Vatican?  (I found out years later after I had bailed on the Catholic church that the priest when I was growing up was a child molester, and apparently the only thing that literally saved my ass was my anti-establishment streak that made me refuse to be an altar boy.  In fact, I was the only one in my CCD class that never served, which makes me wonder about some of the kids who enjoyed abusing me all those years.)

Told You I Love You, Now Get Out

Michigan, land of automakers, unions, high unemployment, and RoboCop, is heavily Democratic.  R's have tried making inroads by exploiting the floundering economy for years and haven't been able to.  With election year coming up again, they decided to try a little something to shock people into awareness.

The conservative group Americans For Prosperity decided to canvas the Delray district of Michigan.  The fliers they used?  You can't see them in this picture, but here's what it says at the top in big, bold letters -- "EVICTION NOTICE."

What's that?  A political action group attempted to drum up support with an ill-conceived campaign and finds it blowing up in their faces?  Aw, shit!  Say it ain't so!

Scott Hagerstrom, the state director for Americans For Prosperity, defended their actions, saying it was just a wake-up call.  He seems to have forgotten all the problems with banks suddenly deciding to foreclose on houses with little provocation or even proof (my recent post about Bank Of America, for example).  Anyone who didn't think this would stir up confusion, chaos, and some very real shit is not living in what is generally known as Reality.

I love politicians who claim to understand us and know what's best for us.  Can you provide some proof to back up your assertion, please?