September 15th, 2011


Forgive Me, Father, For I'm About To Kick Your Ass

Oh, yes!  It's moments like this that make me feel alive!  I saw this this morning on my news feeds, and promised myself I was going to write about it as soon as I got home!  Yes, I'm about to bash someone!  Those who know me know there are very few people who inspire this level of enthusiasm for upcoming mayhem!  Who is about to get The Treatment?!?  Our old enemy of justice, love, and Christianity itself, Pat Robertson!  He's opened his fool mouth again!  Time to kick some ass!

So, what did this dipshit do this time?  Pat Robertson has long been a critic of gay marriage, talking about how it violates "the sanctity of marriage."  (This from a guy who endorses Republican candidates like Newt Gingrich who once tried to get his wife to sign divorce papers while she was doped to the tits after cancer surgery.)  Marriage is sacred and special and spiritual.

As long as it's convenient.

It was a portion of his show The 700 Club where he takes questions and calls from the audience.  And one guy asked what advice he should give his friend who is cheating on his wife?  The reason the friend is cheating on his wife?  She has Alzheimer's.  Robertson's response?  “I know it sounds cruel, but if he’s going to do something, he should divorce her and start all over again, but make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her."

"I know it sounds cruel."  That's because it IS CRUEL.

So, right there, he is endorsing divorce, which he says is part of the destroyer of the sanctity of marriage, but leaving a sick spouse just because caring for the terminally sick is SUCH a chore.

Some of you are probably wondering about that whole, "In sickness and in health" and "'Till death do us part" things, seeing as how it is such an important part of Christian marriage vows.  Robertson's co-host, Terry Meeuwsen, wondered that, too, and asked Robertson.  Robertson's response?  "If you respect that vow, you say ’til death do us part.  This is a kind of death.”  Yeah, so is listening to you, asshole.

Now, here's a cherry to put on this chocolate sundae of bullshit -- Robertson was interviewed by Faux News on March 31 about Terri Schiavo, the woman in a vegetative state and at the center of efforts to either pull the plug or keep her going.  Hat tip to Deciever for locating this, and the emphasis is their's.

BRENDA BUTTNER (Fox News senior business correspondent): Sir, I wanted to ask you also about the Terri Schiavo case. You have called this judicial murder, I believe, a judicial execution. Those are very strong words.

ROBERTSON: Well, it’s exactly what happened. You know, on my program today, I read in detail the finding of a noted Nobel Prize-winning neurologist named Dr. Himmelfarb [sic]. [Ed. It's worth noting that Dr. Hammesfahr was not actually awarded the Nobel Prize, nor was he ever a legitimate nominee.] This man examined her for several hours, and his conclusion was that she could swallow, she was responsive to voices, she was responsive to music. That she could feel pain, that she had been given painkillers. This woman was not persistent vegetative. And Dr. Himmelfarb [sic] said I’ve treated patients that were worse than she was and brought them to some kind of a recovery. This was an execution. I mean, you couldn’t do that to a prisoner in a jail, a convicted cop killer wouldn’t have gotten treatment like that.

Whoa!  Double standard much, Robbie?

So, fuck you, Pat Robertson.  And a side order of fuck you to the guy looking for advice for what to tell his friend.  How about, "She needs you right now!  She loves you, you love her, quit being a dick and take care of her!"  The fact that this was even being debated is mind-boggling to me.  Yeah, I want to be with someone who will help me through the lean times as long as I'm not harshing their buzz.  If this is normal behavior in a marriage, thank God I'm single.
Peter G

Navel Academy

* riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! *  Okay, class.  Eyes up front.  Today's lesson -- elementary physics.

With the start of football season, fantasy football leagues have sprung up around work.  Today at lunch, several guys are talking about their teams and running backs and receivers and such.  I don't recall exactly how the discussion came about, but one, a black guy, of them mentioned his choice because black guys are faster than whites.  "It's genetics," he said.

I don't even look up from my book.  No, it isn't.

Conversation around us gets quiet.  Everyone knows my brain is a vast repository of obscure knowledge.  Unlike most people who make declarations like that, I actually have the ammo to back it up.  So he asks the obvious question, "Oh, really?  So what is it?"

If I told you that blacks being superior runners to whites has nothing to do with race or breeding and is all about simple, basic science, would you want to know?

A pause, then, "Yeah.  So what is it?"

It's the belly button.

A longer pause.  "What?"

The belly button is the center of gravity on the human body.  Scientists found that black runners had belly buttons about two inches higher than white runners.  Runners run by tilting their bodies forward, letting gravity pull them down, and using their legs to keep themselves from falling over.  It maintains efficiency.  Black runners have a higher center of gravity, so there is more for gravity to pull, creating extra momentum, creating extra speed.

He just looked at me.  "Bullshit!"

Okay, think about this:  if that's bullshit, if it really is as simple as blacks are superior athletes, then why are there so few black champion swimmers?

He actually straightened and I could see the light bulb going off above his head.  I said, It's because of the center of gravity.  Because whites have a lower center of gravity, it's situated more towards the middle, enabling them to achieve swimmer's posture easily.  There is less drag.  They slice through the water instead of pulling through it.

Suddenly, everyone started talking about swimmers and runners and body types and such.  I went back to my reading.  So the next time someone gives you the Jimmy The Greek history lecture about blacks and sports, tell him to shut up and go back to science class.

Class dismissed.