February 4th, 2012

PalinWhut

Of Pee I Sing

As Dan Savage has pointed out, piss is a toy for men.  Men write their names in the snow, they target cigarette butts in urinals, piss time is playtime for men.

But there is such a thing as taking things too far.

Sega Of Japan is creating a line of video games you control with your urine.

They call it the Toylet.  The line of games is being created to be sold in, where else?, Japanese bars.  Hey, this is the country that gave us the arcade video game Boonga-Ga Boonga-Ga, an arcade game where you used a plastic finger to goose NPC's ranging from ex-girlfriend to mother in law to child molester (and if you think I'm making that up just to be funny, you don't know Japanese culture very well.  Thank God that was created before the current wave of interaction like the WiiMote, the EyeToy, and Kinnect), so this is not exactly a surprise.

So, what kinds of games might you choose?  Well, one is Mannekin Pis, based on the infamous statue, that simply tells you how strong your stream is.  There's also Graffiti Eraser, where you are using your stream to erase the video game wall.  There's even a multiplayer game, Battle!  Milk From Nose, where you and another person use your urine streams to push milk from the noses of the onscreen characters, and whoever is strongest enough to push the other off the screen is the winner.

However, this is Japan, land of sexual perversion.  The highlight of this is line-up is The Northern Wind, The Sun, And Me, which sounds a lot more artistic than it really is.  The strength of your stream affects the strength of the wind, which will lift up a girl's skirt so you can see her panties.

...you know, I used to think Japan would be such a wonderful place to visit....
Peter G

"Drunken Sailor" Gets An Upgrade

It has been said that men will take any game and somehow incorporate alcohol into it.  Yahtzee becomes Shotzee, for example.  Beer pong (real beer pong, the game with the cups is Beirut, goddammit!) is another.

And now, I bring to you, Battleshots.




And remember, please drink respon...aw, hell.  Who am I kidding?
Peter G

Packing Heat For The Gun Show

It seems everybody is using steroids.  There's the obvious ones, baseball players and football players.  Bicyclists.  Golf players.  Rappers.  Actors.  The question isn't where do you draw the line, but is there a line to be drawn?

Apparently, yes there is.

Come and honor a hero among us.  Her name is Anna Watson.  She's a cheerleader at the University Of Georgia who credits her Christian faith with bringing balance to her life.  I take a lot of cheap jokes at cheerleaders, but I won't about her.  Here's why....



After ten months of hitting the college's bench press, Watson added four inches to her arms.  She bench presses 155 pounds, squats 255 pounds, and dead lifts 230 pounds.  Out of thirty pairs of jeans she brought with her to college, only two of them fit.



She was recently offered a huge contract to become fitness model.  $75,000 and plenty of offers.  She would never have to look for work.

She turned it down.

Why?

The agency wanted Watson to gain fifty pounds of muscle by taking Anavar, a legal steroid.  Watson is no dummy.  Aware of the potential to wreak havoc on her body and affect her ability to have kids, she walked away.  From big money and a guaranteed future.  "I'm not going to compromise my morals and my beliefs just to take pictures. I believe that my body is a temple and a beautiful creation, so I don't want to put anything into it that can harm it."

Principles and integrity still exist.

Maybe there is still hope for this world after all.
This Makes Me Moist

A Public Service Announcement From Your Friends At Sine Timore Enterprises

It's called the duckface.  It's when women go for a cute little pout and miss completely.  Instead of a pout or a kissy expression, they look...well, stupid.

The duckface is not cute.  It is not sexy.  It doesn't enhance your charms, it destroys them.  No one is immune to its effects.

Here's proof from the Playboy Super Bowl Party:



If a Playboy Bunny can't make the duckface work, no one can.  So stop that shit.

This has been a public service announcement from your friends at Sine Timore Enterprises.
Strawman

Wake Up And Smell The Toast Burning

Altruism is a beautiful thing.  It's what makes our time trapped on this spinning ball of dirt and ice worthwhile.  The idea of doing something to help others, for the greater good, giving of yourself.

There is a downside to altruism.  It can be and frequently is used as a shield.  People do horrible things and duck behind altruism to guilt trip people into not holding them accountable and leaving them alone.  All kinds of organizations will go, "We're trying to do good here!  We are an important source of taking care of certain causes!  If we are gone, who will fill the gap?"  It's a protection racket -- "It'd be a pity if something happened to your cause."

This afflicts organizations from the great (PeTA) to the small.  Some of you may remember the computer game Basset Hound Games I did for free to raise money for a basset hound rescue operation.  Not much of a basset hound fan, but the people loved the dogs, and a friend of mine pleaded with me, so I said sure.  Then I found out people from the organization were taking home food for the rescued dogs for their own pets.  They were stealing dog food, dog food meant for homeless dogs.  If you wonder why I believe nothing in this world is held sacred, it's because of shit like this.

Among the current crop of teflon-coated sacred cows is the Susan G. Komen Foundation.  Point blank:  Congress isn't interested in women's health unless it can be used to control them.  Look at abortion and funding sex education.  What should be individual choice for the people become a political football to punish people who are sexually active and enforce draconian sexual values on them.  Immunizations against the HPV virus are another perfect example.  The Komen Foundation used this as leverage to promote fundraising for breast cancer awareness and research.  And yes, I was one of the people who bought into it hook, line, and sinker.

The Komen Foundation has been untouchable for years.  "Hey, no one in the Establishment is trying to promote breast cancer awareness and research!"  In reality, the Komen Foundation has been like other other antiEstablishment types who became an Establishment themselves.  Like Jesse Jackson, the Komen Foundation sells their influence to prop those they feel are worthy up, whether or not they actually are.  Most of the Komen Foundation's money comes from corporate sponsorships, so all you have to do is give the Komen Foundation the right amount of coin, and they will endorse you as okay, enabling you to tell the public you are caring and concerned and involved.  The process is formally known as "pinkwrap", a pun on "shrinkwrap."  Marketing and political types call it "pinkwashing" because of what all it can hide (to put it in Christian terms, it is selling indulgences).  Because people want to make a difference and affect positive change on this ever-darkening world, they will give you their money, thinking they are doing good but in reality just lining the company's pockets.

The list of indulgences the Komen Foundation has given is mindboggling.  In 2010, Kentucky Fried Chicken offered the Komen Foundation $8 mil.  The Komen Foundation got into bed with them, and they produced a little offspring called "Buckets For The Cure."  Pink chicken buckets with that ribbon symbol that reassured people went out, distracting people from medical research suggesting that cancer is linked to obesity.  Smith And Wesson got the rights to make a pinkwrapped handgun.  Another company got to make pinkwrapped shotgun shells.

The Komen Foundation is not a charity, it is a business, more interested in making money for its employees than actually raising money for a cure like they say.  According to their filings with the government, the amount of money the Komen Foundation passes on to cancer research that it collects has fallen from 26% to 19% in the past decade.  Not only is it going down, but it wasn't that high to begin with.  The filings don't tell enough, with the Komen Foundation using broad overhead terms to disguise its administrative costs.

Part of being a modern business is maintaining your brand and marketshare.  The Komen Foundation does this by putting the squeeze on other cancer charities.  As reported by the Wall Street Journal, "Last year, Ms. Tighe's Uniting Against Lung Cancer got a letter from Komen requesting it change the name of the charity's "Kites for a Cure" fund-raiser, a beach event featuring hand-decorated kites, to "Kites for a Cause," or another name. Komen later warned her against any use of pink in conjunction with "cure.""  And you thought Mattel was obsessive about protecting the color pink in association with its Barbie products.

Which brings us to this week, and the Komen Foundation withdrawing its annual $700,000 contribution to Planned Parenthood.  True, it's not that much as these things go, but those of you who think this is just a charity looking to place its funds where they will do the most good, lift up the rock, and look at all the nasty thing crawling under there.

This started last year with Senator John Kyl.  During the budget debates that narrowly averted complete government shutdowns, Kyl attempted to boost his argument to withdraw funding from PPF by saying abortion was “well over 90 percent of what Planned Parenthood does.” When reporters pointed out that only 3 percent of PPF’s work involved abortion, his spokesman actually said Kyl's statement was “not intended to be a factual statement.”  Picking up the ball was Cliff Stearns.  Stearns is a Republican Representative from the state of Florida who is fervently (possibly even obsessively) pro-life.  For some reason he has declined to give, he started a federal investigation into Planned Parenthood.  His reason is he wants to make sure federal funds are not being used to provide abortions.  I will point out he has NO EVIDENCE THAT THIS IS GOING ON.  There are no reports, no complaints, not even anything Wikileaks.  He just wants to know, so he sicced the feds on them.

Planned Parenthood hasn't really been a political hot potato in a long time, mainly because even the political conservatives are fine with them.  Dwight Eisenhower and Harry S Truman co-chaired the Planned Parenthood Foundation.  Barry Goldwater, the Republican's version of the Messiah, openly endorsed it.  Ann Romney has donated money to them.  So has Laura Bush, who has also come out in support of Roe vs. Wade.  But Republicans have become more militant about ending abortion, to the point where every candidate is making it a plank in their platform (Michelle Bachmann, a perfect argument for retroactive abortion rights, has said the Presidential election will end abortion in America).

Stearns decided to make PPF a political issue, and no one is fooled by his "concerns".  Reps. Diana DeGette and Henry are ranking members of the Subcommittee On Oversight And Investigations, and told Stearns in a rather terse letter, “We question the basis for the investigation and whether Planned Parenthood is being singled out as part of a Republican vendetta against an organization that provides family planning and other medical care to low-income women and men.”  Some more ammo was needed to attack PPF, and the puppet masters of the R's turned to the Komen Foundation.

Lest you think I'm just being politically reactionary, let me give you a little background.  The Komen Foundation was founded by Nancy G. Brinker, a longtime social conservative.  In 2000, she raised at least $100,000 for Shrub's election campaign, earning her the title of "Pioneer."  Aw, that was nice of her.  So nice, Shrub later made her ambassador to Hungary.  In April this year, Brinker appointed one Karen Handel as VP at Komen.  Handel used to be the Secretary of State of Georgia, she's a tea partier, and (surprise surprise) fervently anti-abortion.

The Komen Foundation has seized on Stearns' investigation of PPF as a reason to withdraw their funding.  Komen's statement read they will drop any organization "currently under a local, state or federal formal investigation for financial or administrative impropriety or fraud".  Bullshit.  They still let Bank Of America, currently being investigated in four states for foreclosure and mortgage fraud, pinkwrap their credit cards and checks.  Want to take another run at that?

This time, the Komen Foundation overplayed their hand.  People are finally registering that the company perpetuates itself first and has become interested in pushing an agenda.  In 24 hours, PPF received $400,000 in private donations from outraged supporters.  Komen is finally revealed to be wearing no clothes.

And everyone now sees the ugly going straight to the bone.