July 1st, 2015

HolyHandGrenade

Gooooin' To The Chapel And We're...Goooonna Get Suuuuuuued

Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

Mississippi (thank God I was taught that song in grade school or I would never be able to spell that name) and Oklahoma are drafting bills to either not grant marriage licenses to keep from marrying gays or give the power to perform weddings to religious folks who will refuse to do it on religious grounds.  A county clerk in Texas is refusing, despite the Supreme Court ruling, saying he can't participate in "sin."

This message is for Christians who are afraid that, by supporting gay marriage, officiating one, or whatever, Jesus Christ will come down, stick three fingers in their ass, and bowl them into Hell (shout out to Christopher Walken).  Those that just use Christianity as validation for discrimination, nothing is ever going to change their minds, and they can commit an unnatural physical act with themselves.  I'm talking to the people who have been conditioned over the years to not defy authority in general and the church in particular, who have been told the church is the ultimate arbiter on Earth of their fates and that the church knows is the True Word Of God.  These people have the jitters because they would otherwise try to live and let live but they've been intimidated with the threat of The Fire That Burns But Does Not Consume if they aren't good little foot soldiers for the Powers Elite.

To these people, I simply say...


You will NOT go to Hell for officiating or licensing or attending or having anything to do with gay marriage.  And this isn't my opinion, I can back it up with the Bible.  Sit down, open the Book of Genesis, and let's go to school.

In those early days of the Hebrews, there were concerns about God's laws and how they could potentially mark His followers for retribution or death.  The Hebrews didn't have their own society, they existed as part of other societies with their own cultural norms and traditions (one of the things that separated Judaism from other relgions was no public sex, it was supposed to be a private act).  But the Hebrews were afraid that, if they DID participate in those public rituals, they would be condemned to Hell as heretics.  After all, God said they weren't supposed to do that.  So one of God's judgments about His laws was to keep His laws governing your private life -- you could participate in, say, spring festivals for pagan gods and such without fear of retribution as long as, within your own home, the part of your life you controlled, you kept God's Will as supreme.

With the Supreme Court ruling, greater society has made marriage equality the Law Of The Land.  If you think gay marriage is wrong, all you have to do is not enter into a gay marriage yourself, and you won't go to Hell.  You can participate in the ceremony, officiate it, toast it, get drunk and faceplant into the cake, whatever, and you won't be violating your beliefs and going to Hell, you are simply being a part of larger society.

So quit acting like a bunch of pussies and let gay marriage happen already.
Derpy Stamp

Letters From Our Readers? Why Is It MY Birthday But THEY Get The Presents?

"Peter,

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and thank you for being an essential part of our Republican team.

"Every year, I find myself more and more grateful to live in a country founded upon the principles of freedom, opportunity and limited government. A country where dreams can be chased and goals can be achieved. A country where “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness" is sought and celebrated.

"That’s what is at stake this election. And that’s why it is so important we have you in the fight to preserve our core principles.

"Thank you for continuing to stand by our side. I look forward to what this year brings for you, our party and our country.

"Peter, I hope you have a happy birthday. Thanks again for your continued support of the GOP.

"Best, Reince"

And right below the closing is a link to donate money.

"An essential part of our Republican team?"  I have never donated to the RNC, I've never given my email to them, I have had zero contact with them, and for over a decade, just about everything I've written about them has been negative. And not only do they have my email, they apparently know my birthday, too.

I guess that Patriot Act wasn't just for national defense after all....