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Wake Me Up Inside

It hasn't just been years, it's been over a DECADE that my teacher has been telling me that I'm too hard on myself.  That I'm actually a very good person.  That when it comes to the mercy, understanding, and humanity I grant other people, I refuse to grant it to myself.  That I keep treating myself like the people I hate and oppose.  That I refuse to believe that, deep down inside, I am not one of them.

Today, I noticed a slight change in my personal attitude about myself.  It's like...

...like I'm starting to come around and agree with her.

I can't tell you what it is.  But I am actually noticing a subtle but definite shift in how I regard myself personally.

Now, if this is true (time will tell.  It always does), it spurs mixed emotions.  On the one hand, this is actually kind of exciting.  She told me that this was one of my final lessons to understanding my ultimate truth and becoming an enlightened man.  So (assuming this is what's happening) it's a great thing.

However, my teacher has also said that, while I was her best student, I was also her most difficult and challenging.  My obsessive determination to push myself and become better was both my greatest asset and my greatest hindrance.

So if it's true...

...if this final lesson is truly taking hold....

...the next time I talk with her?

She's gonna GLOAT!!!

Not that I would hold it against her, she will have earned it after all these years.  ;-)

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June 2019


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