Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G
sinetimore

Smile For The Camera

Rest assured, I won't be going into much detail.  My sex life is pretty conventional, I'm not interested in doing anything really wild.  It's just how I'm wired up.  Other people like being adventurous, and that's fine, it's just not my bag.

While I am willing to at least consider other things, there are some things that are absolutely non-negotiable.  High on the list, next to things with a gross-out factor, is videoing a lovemaking session.  It's not just because of the ease with which it can escape onto the Internet (as the picture reminds us, once it's on the Internet, it never goes away).  It's also because the thought mortifies me.  It's the same reason I can't handle a mirror above the bed.  In my mind, it's something beautiful and wonderful.  Then I see it's this fat Polish guy laying there and sometimes making derpy faces.  I already know it, I don't need the proof.

As you climb the social ladder, videoing takes on an additional risk.  Thanks to copyright laws, you become a co-owner, not the sole owner, of the tape.  That means you and the other party can do what you want with it.  What happens if you aren't on the same page?

Paris Hilton found out.  Kim Kardashian found out.  Heidi whatever from The Hills is about to find out.  The number of sex tapes with famous people is increasing in number.

And no one is learning from other people's mistakes!

It used to be, the most embarrassing video of Tiger Woods on the Internet was a video of a scene from Blazing Saddles, with Woods' head shopped onto Clevon Little's body, asking, "Hey, where are the white women at?"  Not anymore.  Porn star Devon James not only maintained that she and Woods had an affair, but that he is the father of her nine year old son (she says they met at a Christian school program when she was 19.  (Paternity suit, you say?  Thrown out by a Florida judge.  Grounds?  James didn't appear in court and doesn't even have custody of the child.)  A company was ready to buy the tape, but supposedly backed off because of Woods' lawyers.  Another company stepped up, giving a $350,000 advance and projecting sales of $5 mil.

Is the tape real, or is it a shakedown (which is entirely possible)?  We don't know yet.  The tape gets released to pre-orders on Nov 15, and it streets on Nov 20.  So no one has really seen it.

All I know is this -- no matter who you are, if your lover is in the bedroom, holding a camera, if he tapes anything, wait until he falls asleep afterwards, then smash that shit with a hammer.  You'll sleep a lot easier if you do.
Tags: important life lessons
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