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Miley Cyrus turns 18 next month.

Which means we will FINALLY stop hearing about her.

Proof?  Let's see...Britney Spears...the Olsen twins...Lindsay Lohan...lots of celebrities that shamefully mine that "forbidden fruit" gig.  Then, as soon as they're legal, no one wants them anymore.  Christina Aguillera created an identity as X-tina, and it bombed out.  So, once Miley turns 18, no one will find her interesting and maybe, just maybe, no one will try to shoehorn her bullshit music into my Rock Band anymore.

Miley got her start through the media factory that is Disney.  Was never a fan.  Hannah Montana sounds like Ashley Tisdale sounds like Hillary Duff sounds like....  The music is interchangeable, and is actually deceptively ingenious.  It's a sound and style guaranteed to sell.  Part of that is keeping the singers just a step above the Kids Incorporated troop in age.  Once again, it's interchangeable, no one really notices.  It's music set up to move merchandise, not explore the frontiers of the art form.

Now, I want to emphasize there is nothing wrong with that.  There's nothing wrong with being a crowd pleaser.  But I had higher hopes for Miley.  Her dad was Billy Ray Cyrus, who did one of the most annoying songs ever, Achy Breaky Heart, and saw everything vanish on him.  I thought for sure he would emphasize to his own daughter how transitory the entertainment industry is, and how lucky she was to have something that would set her up for life.  All she had to do was not fuck it up.

But a funny thing happened -- Miley started thinking it was her and not the Disney product that was getting popular.  Disney is a brand.  Parents like to think that they can buy Disney stuff for their kids and not worry about naughty things that will rot their kids' minds.  It's safe.  But that also means control.  Disney keeps a tight rein on the product.  Miley felt that only she could sing songs like the shitkicking rap of "Hoedown Throwdown" and make it a hit.  Here's a little free advice I learned from my days trying to make it as a screenwriter, Miley -- YOU DON'T SCREW WITH THE MOUSE.

Miley's last album came out in April and declared its title to the world -- "Can't Be Tamed".  The video tried depicting Miley as finally ready to spread her wings and take off on her own (considering the song musically sounds like an outtake from Depeche Mode's sessions, that's not exactly pushing her boundaries).  The album has sold only 260,000 copies to date.  She has shot a new video for the song "Who Owns My Heart?", continuing her "can't be tamed message."  She writhes on a bed without pants on, and cavorts with both genders on the dance floor.

The Parents' Television Council has released a statement.  "It is unfortunate that she would participate in such a sexualized video like this one. It sends messages to her fan base that are diametrically opposed to everything she has done up to this point. Miley built her fame and fortune entirely on the backs of young girls, and it saddens us that she seems so eager to distance herself from that fan base so rapidly."  This practically drips of hypocrisy.  First, Billy Ray Cyrus is on the board of the PTC.  Second, there's nothing about the pole dancing at the Nick Kids' Choice Awards.  Nothing about posing in bedsheets for a mag shoot when she was 15.  Nothing about how she performed Can't Be Tamed on Britain's Got Talent, and during the routine kissed a female dancer.  Nothing about the covertly shot video of the 16 year old Miley giving the 44 year old director of The Last Dance a lapdance.  Not one complaint about any of that behavior, but they are complaining about this video.  Is the PTC being used as a cat's paw by Billy Ray?  It seems mom and dad are finally noticing the Lindsay Lohan career path their daughter is taking.

I watched the Hannah Montana concert.  It was really strange to watch.  I'm used to live performances, even those that are heavily DAT'ed, to have some enthusiasm, some excitement, some LIFE from the performers.  I know about the stage smiles and that, but you could tell from the movements of the musicians that this was just a job, they weren't into the music they were creating, they were on the clock.  Given how much I love music, it's harsh to see something so rote and uninvolving.  I don't fault the musicians.  They clearly know this is a meal ticket.  The sad thing is, the one who really needs to heed the lesson, Miley, is tone deaf to it.

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