Before we know joy, we must know sorrow.
Sometimes, I think I should cancel my Internet service.
After writing that post about the Supergirl porn movie that just started lensing, I got contacted by an online buddy who told me that, if I wanted to see real horror in connection to the Superman mythos, he had just the ticket. As a fan of bad movies and watching things done with the best intentions go straight into the ground like a lawn dart, I asked what it was. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he said.
He assured me that what he had in mind was in the public domain. That was my first hint of the horror I was in store for. It's connected to Superman, and yet it's in the public domain? He sent me the link. I downloaded it. And as it started, the voice of Jabootu, the god of bad movies, screamed, "Welcome to your doom!"
I was locked in a twenty-two minute struggle with The Adventures Of Superpup.
This. Is. Not. A. Joke.
The Adventures Of Superpup was an unsold pilot from 1958 that was released into the public domain due to an unchallenged appearance on VHS years ago. It recasts the Superman universe with anthros. Everyone's a dog in this.
You're probably wondering why this is so bad. After all, there was Krypto on the old Superboy cartoons, and Krypto even got his own series on Cartoon Network. What's so bad about the TV equivalent of Peter Porker -- The Amazing Spider-Ham?
It's live action.
I shit you not.
Brace for impact.
Half the episode is in color from a surviving print, the other half is black and white from a video master. Half color, half black and white, all mistake.
This...was really hard to watch. This might have been a perfectly acceptable animated series, even with limited animation (one shot of Professor Sheepdip and his assistant driving down the road gets reused so often, I thought it Filmation was producing it). But it's like the live action Sailor Moon series -- things that would seem perfectly acceptable in an animated medium seem amazingly absurb in live action. The cartoony behavior (Bark Bent implying he is Superpup but no one picking up on it, the white gloves with tendon lines, a henchman walking around a building in a giant clock that no one notices, etc.), the anthros, some of the voice actors, even a mouse hand puppet that acts as narrator, all would have made a forgettable but acceptable animated series. But human actors with animal heads? Visually, it's like Mardi Gras meets Terry Gilliam's Brazil. And you just can't accept it.
Jesus Christ! How horrifying!