You know, I'm really starting to get sick of the goddamn "birther" movement. For those who may not be familiar with the term, "birthers" are people who believe that President Barack Obama has no right to be US President because he is not a natural US citizen. They believe that Obama was born in either Kenya or Indonesia and that his birth certificate showing he was born in Honolulu in 1961 is a forgery. Why do I get the feeling that these idiots are all single-issue voters? Donald Trump and his sidekick Hairpiece The Genetic Wonder were on TV the other day, Trump saying he can get his birth certificate in about an hour, but it's been a couple of years and we don't have Obama's.
I've pretty much ignored the birther movement up to now. My response to them is usually barely concealed sarcasm. Okay, maybe not barely concealed. Sample conversation: "But you don't like Obama as President." "I haven't liked ANY President since I became politically aware. Hated Carter, hated Reagan, hated Bush, hated Clinton, hated Shrub. Me saying, 'I hate so and so as President' might as well be saying, 'Duuuuuuh...da sky iz bloo.'" Expecting me to support some stupid pointless fishing expedition that is nothing more than a cheap character assassination ploy just because I don't like what you don't like makes me want to rewire your brain with a drill press.
As the birthers have become more and more desperate to prove their point (PROTIP: when you start making UFologists look rational and sane, you're doing it wrong), I've become more and more annoyed. But with this, I've had enough.
Meet retired Air Force Col. Gregory Hollister, a resident of Colorado Springs in Colorado (duh). He claims that, last Tuesday, a private investigator, Susan Daniels of Ohio, gave him a number that was purportedly Obama's Social Security Number. He took the number to the Social Security Number Verification Service. It is used by employers to check on applicants. The site warns that using the site under false pretenses is Against The Law (so is marijuana and double parking. What's your point?). “According to the Social Security Administration, that number was never issued,” said Hollister, who seems to be overlooking the possibilities that the PI either 1) dug up the wrong number or 2) scammed him.
Hollister did use the SSN to get a hold of "Obama's" Selective Service docs. According to Hollister, the Social Security number on what he says is Obama’s draft registration begins with the numbers 042. Such a number would be issued to someone born in Connecticut, not Hawaii. Notice the "what he says is" portion of that sentence. Gee, for someone demanding Obama be transparent, he sure ain't showing his stuff. Got something to hide, Hollister?
Okay, I never want to hear from you stupid birthers ever again. I have four reasons for making this declaration --
1) Let's see -- forgery. Impersonation of a public official. Invasion of privacy. Violation of civil liberties. TOS violations. Anybody that commits an illegal act just to prove their ethical superiority shut up now and forever. Give me some reason not to suspect that you forged your "proof" yourself. Fuck. You. All.
2) John McCain had equally tenuous proof of his birthright status, and you aren't saying shit about him. Why? Because he's on your side. Fuck. You. All.
3) What happens if Obama is declared ineligible now? Not a goddamn thing. All the bills he signed into law and everything will still be there. Legal precedent is established that, just because someone is removed from office, that does not nullify what they have done before. Otherwise, anyone impeached or recalled for incompetency would see all their work be reversed. In other words, at this point, whether you like it or not, Obama is President, and you'd be better off working with him and Congress to represent you than having him removed. Remember, the President can't introduce legislation, Congress does. It's part of checks and balances. Obama may have wanted the bailouts and Obamacare and such, but Congress ginned those things up, Obama only signed them into law. Removing him now changes nothing. Fuck. You. All.
4) If Obama is thrown out as President, we will have Joe Biden as President and Hilary Clinton as Veep. Do you foolish mortals understand the dark forces you are toying with? I'd take a bullet for Obama if it keeps him alive!
If anyone has anything further to add about the status of Obama's citizenship, please direct them to the brick wall next to my house. Thank you and God bless.