Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Waist Management

I love people who think they have dieting aaaaaall figured out.  Not the people who actually get it, who realize that eating less and exercising more is the only way to do it.  I mean the people who think they've found the magic bullet, a fast way to do what the rest of us struggle to do.

Yes, I said, "us".  I've been on so many weight trips over the years, I could be a travel agent.  I'm all too familiar with the limitations of the human body, genetics, psychological factors, how different foods are processed by the body, and so on (and I fight the urge to punch people in the face when I hear them say in awe, "negative calories").  When Kirstie Alley went on Oprah with her new Scientology-inspired diet that was going to melt the flab away over the course of a TV deal, I just shook my head.

The most recent pathfinder is pictured here on the right.  Some of you may recognize her.  This is Nicole "Snooki" Palozzi from MTV's celebration of negative racial stereotypes, The Jersey Shore.  This shows you how ubiquitous this train wreck is, when I don't even watch MTV anymore and I still know who she is.  Last year, Snooki decided she needed to lose some weight.  So she did what anyone who's serious about getting slim would do -- she signed up to be the spokesperson for a sham diet that no one in their right mind believed would work.  It was Dr. Siegal's Magic Cookie Diet.  No shit, you could lose weight by eating cookies.  I think it was the 60's when a book came out that claimed overeating was the key to successful weight loss, and the author was wanted for fraud, but not before he made a pile of cash and went on the run.  Those that don't learn from history....

Well, obviously, the cookie diet didn't work.  In April, People Magazine reported Snooki had started a new weight loss routine.  She mentions exercise and egg whites and chicken.  But she has left a little something out that some of you eagle eyes out there may have noticed.

See that pink bottle in front of the mirror in the picture?

That's Zantrex, a magic bullet weight loss drug.

Apparently, this season of The Jersey Shore has the cast in Italy.  Uh oh.  Land of some of the best food in the world.  And Snooki is clearly feeling the heat.  Representative Twitter post:  "“Tons of good food here!  Continuing my workouts and does anyone know where I can find some Zantrex fat burner in Italy? I am running out!”  In fact, if you look at her Twitter feed, she is mentioning Zantrex so much, you'd almost think she's signed up to shill for it...nah!  That can't possibly be it!

Snooki's body type will clearly never let her be skinny like the anorexic supermodels you see everywhere.  But that's beside the point.  Snooki wants everyone to be attracted to her.  It's going to take more than a nice body for anyone to want anything more from her.
Tags: did not do the research, don't try this at home, haven't we suffered enough, hypocrisy, i'll drink to that, i'm such a bitch, important life lessons, infernal gall, stupidity
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