Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

In Your Facebook

The story so far....

My dad mentioned that he updated his Facebook and found a listing for me on there.

I hyped as I do not have a Facebook and, given Facebook and recent privacy concerns, I feel I'm right to do so.

I ask for advice to delete a Facebook page, which gets a number of helpful suggestions.

I also realize it might be possible that I signed up for a Facebook page and just never did anything with it, so I forgot about it, so it might be an error on my part.

We now return to our story already in progress.

I'm hanging out with mornblade , and he mentions he tried to do a search for this Facebook page of mine, but he came up empty.  We discuss various permutations of my name and such that might yield better results.  I head for home, but I can't fall asleep.  The discussion with Mornblade keeps playing over and over in my head.  I decide to look for some answers myself, figuring Mornblade and I can coordinate our answers later.

I jump online and start Googling my real name and some of the permutations we discussed.  Nothing comes up, but I do get one hit for my father's Facebook page.  I think, shit, this is getting stupid!

So I go to Facebook's log in page.  I select that I forgot my password.  What is your email address?  I use one address as a spam catcher, so I type that in.  It says there is no profile on Facebook matching that email address.  I try my names, both pen name and real.  Eventually, the list whittles down, and Facebook is basically asking me if I'm my father.

By now, I'm staring at the screen in frustration.  I just want to know if there is a profile for me so I can get rid of it.  But, apparently, I can't even search pages on Facebook without logging in.  But I don't want to create an account just to delete an account.  Evidence is suggesting there isn't even a page for me there.  How can I....

...I type in my dad's email address.  I focus my brainpower on what he would use as a password.  I got it on the first try.  Hey, dad!  Know how you like to brag you're more tech savvy than me because you have a Facebook?  KISS MY POLISH ASS!

I spent about fifteen minutes running through everything I could find, not easy as I have no idea how Facebook's features work.  But after searching, I can't find a single reference to me.  I find a few people with my name, but they are in places like Australia and such.  My dad said the profile he found matched me exactly, from location to date of birth to everything.  Nothing.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Goose egg.

I get the distinct impression daddy lied to me.  Well, at least I know I don't have a FAILbook now.  I'm going to bed.
Tags: be attitude for gains, computers, department of corrections, digital rights, don't try this at home, haven't we suffered enough, important life lessons, infernal gall, my little pony friendship is magic, nightmare fuel, stupidity, technology is a beautiful thing, wtf
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