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In Your Facebook

The story so far....

My dad mentioned that he updated his Facebook and found a listing for me on there.

I hyped as I do not have a Facebook and, given Facebook and recent privacy concerns, I feel I'm right to do so.

I ask for advice to delete a Facebook page, which gets a number of helpful suggestions.

I also realize it might be possible that I signed up for a Facebook page and just never did anything with it, so I forgot about it, so it might be an error on my part.

We now return to our story already in progress.

I'm hanging out with mornblade , and he mentions he tried to do a search for this Facebook page of mine, but he came up empty.  We discuss various permutations of my name and such that might yield better results.  I head for home, but I can't fall asleep.  The discussion with Mornblade keeps playing over and over in my head.  I decide to look for some answers myself, figuring Mornblade and I can coordinate our answers later.

I jump online and start Googling my real name and some of the permutations we discussed.  Nothing comes up, but I do get one hit for my father's Facebook page.  I think, shit, this is getting stupid!

So I go to Facebook's log in page.  I select that I forgot my password.  What is your email address?  I use one address as a spam catcher, so I type that in.  It says there is no profile on Facebook matching that email address.  I try my names, both pen name and real.  Eventually, the list whittles down, and Facebook is basically asking me if I'm my father.

By now, I'm staring at the screen in frustration.  I just want to know if there is a profile for me so I can get rid of it.  But, apparently, I can't even search pages on Facebook without logging in.  But I don't want to create an account just to delete an account.  Evidence is suggesting there isn't even a page for me there.  How can I....

...I type in my dad's email address.  I focus my brainpower on what he would use as a password.  I got it on the first try.  Hey, dad!  Know how you like to brag you're more tech savvy than me because you have a Facebook?  KISS MY POLISH ASS!

I spent about fifteen minutes running through everything I could find, not easy as I have no idea how Facebook's features work.  But after searching, I can't find a single reference to me.  I find a few people with my name, but they are in places like Australia and such.  My dad said the profile he found matched me exactly, from location to date of birth to everything.  Nothing.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.  Goose egg.

I get the distinct impression daddy lied to me.  Well, at least I know I don't have a FAILbook now.  I'm going to bed.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2011 12:21 pm (UTC)
Searched again, still can't find anything. Either your father is pulling your leg, or he just happened to stumble on to something I'm not. Maybe it's a ploy to get you to start an account. Something like, "I saw you have a FB account. What do you mean you don't? I guess you will have to start an account to check to see if someone has a fake account in your name." Or he might have seen one of the hundreds that has your name, and assumed it was you because he wants it to be true.

Personally I think he's wrong to keep bugging you about it.
Jun. 26th, 2011 03:39 pm (UTC)
Another possibility occurs to me -- he was fishing. He probably figured, "Peter HAS to have a Facebook, given all his techie leanings," so he bluffed hoping I would 'fess up and tell him about it.

Either way, it's still an asshole move on his part.
Jun. 26th, 2011 02:26 pm (UTC)
Ugh. I'm so glad that at least you know for sure you don't have a Facebook account. Now if only your father could leave you alone about it...
Jun. 26th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
You're telling me! I'm guessing this is a sign he doesn't think I'm the boring, do nothing, go to work and come home and that's it person I present myself to him as. But given how anything I do or think that they disagree with becomes a personal crusade to save me from my own ways, I'd rather keep them out of the loop.

Fun fact: when I discuss politics with my dad, I'm never right, I'm always wrong. One day, he demanded I prove what I'm saying is true, who thinks this thing that I'm espousing. I cheated -- I went to my blog and started reading him one of the entries, giving him a phony name for the writer. My dad then said, "You know, he has a very good point." I've tried this a couple of times since, and the results are the same -- when I say it, it's bullshit. But when it's this anonymous person on the Internet that he knows nothing about, this guy is a genius who should be writing for the newspapers.

My mom spent my whole life, from the time I wanted to be a cartoonist in school to my adult life, trying to get me to quit being a writer. She would even record talk shows of writers talking about how difficult it was to break in to reinforce her point (as far as they know, I gave up years ago). Last year, mom was talking with me and said she was thinking of writing a book. I tried some of the logic she used on me against her, and she said, "Oh, it can't be that tough," and she figured she'd have the book done by the end of the year.

I think I need some .50 caliber aspirin.

Edited at 2011-06-26 03:48 pm (UTC)
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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