Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

We Love Our Family When We Aren't Ignoring Them For Political Gain

I got to my office and tossed my keys across the room. Smooth, underhand motion, they landed perfectly in the change dish. The tinkle of metal sounded, and my smile grew even wider. Oh, I love that.

I got to my desk and activated Fermata. I went under her phone book function, found the phone number, and with happiness in my fingers, started dialing. It got picked up on the first ring.


Hello, Mister Mitt Romney?

"Yes! Peter G, right? I'd know your voice anywhere!"

Yes, it is.

"I take it you're calling to let me know you've decided which politician you want to bash?"

You've been waiting for this call, haven't you?

"Ever since our interview. So, did I make the cut?"

Yes, as a matter of fact, you did. I'm going to be bashing you as soon as I update my blog.

"Yeah, that campaign donation to my superPAC was pretty slimy, wasn't it?"

Oh, I'm not slamming you for that. I mean, that was impressive, but that's not what put you over the top.

"Really? You know, I've been in the news for lots of stuff lately. Can you help narrow down which one it is?"

Sure. Does the name, "Ann Keenan," ring any bells?


Born 1942? Died 1963?

"Well, you meet so many people on the campaign trail...."

She was the sister of your brother in law.

"...oh, her. Sorry. Out of sight, out of mind, you know?"

Well, yes, considering you haven't mentioned her since your debate with Ted Kennedy back in 1994, I can see how a close relative who died of a botched illegal abortion could slip your mind.

" know about that?"

Yes, I know all about it. How an infection resulting from the procedure killed her. How the family was forbidden to talk about it because your dad was elected governor of Michigan in 1962 and would eventually run for the R nomination for President in 1968. How Keenan's parents asked for memorial donations to be sent to Planned Parenthood.

" it too late to remove my name from consideration?"

Too late, dipshit. You've taken a lot of heat for flipflopping on abortion over the years. The fact that you would force women back into an era that killed your sister in law means you have no heart, no brain, and no guts. You are either a medical miracle or a politician!

The dial tone blared in my ear.

Yeah. Run from me, Romney. But you can't run from the world.

And the world will know.

Ann Keenan, rest in peace. You deserved better then, and you deserve better now.
Tags: haven't we suffered enough, history, hypocrisy, i'm such a bitch, important life lessons, infernal gall, let's talk about sex bay-bee!, lord hear our prayer, news, nightmare fuel, politics, stupidity, wtf
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