And stuff I can laugh at others about.
I've mentioned my dipshit brother in law before. He likes to think of himself as a manly man in the Oliver Stone mode. Sexual dynamo and hung like a horse. I don't know the size of his junk, but the way he sometimes brags about himself, I'm reminded of the following joke:
HER: I don't sleep with a man unless he has twelve inches between his legs.
HIM: I don't fold mine in half for nobody.
He says he's huge. I have no interest in finding out for myself, and when he teases me about what he presumes to be my size relative to his, it gets annoying. If only there was a way to shut him up....
And here's where my reading gets good.
My brother in law is a homophobe. He doesn't like gays, he makes no secret of it. He thinks gays are slime. He thinks they are untrustworthy. And he's grateful he isn't gay.
Now, I can tell him he might be. Heh heh.
Here's the scoop: how many of you remember the Kinsey Report On Human Sexuality? Between 1938 and 1963 studied 5,122 men. The men were sorted into two groups, gay and straight. They were then given a measuring tape and told to record five different measurements for the size of their penii.
Gay men were bigger than straight men in all five catagories.
Length, circumferance, everything. Gay men's penises are a little chubbier when erect and average 1/3rd of an inch longer than a straight guys. You know how the average length is supposedly six inches? That includes gay men. If you go with just straight men, it's actually smaller. Okay, guys are insecure, guys will lie about their size. I will point out that both groups were guys, so they likely exaggerated by the same amount.
So the next time my dumbass brother starts talking about the size of his dick, I have my fifty megaton zinger ready to go.
Assuming he's smart enough to understand the math.