Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Pray For Mercy

So, there's an online friend who doesn't read my blog.  That's the only reason I'm writing about this here.  And I want to make abundantly clear that I am not mad at her.  I'm mad at myself.  I mean, I'm smart.  I have a genius level IQ.  I should be able to figure this out.  But I can't.

We're at that age where either 1) our bodies start breaking down on us and/or 2) the bodies of those we love start breaking down.  In this case, it's her mother.  She's looking at a triple bypass in a few weeks.

The only thing I sent her was, "Know that I'm pulling for you and hoping for the best."

I just hate how fucking milquetoast that sounds.

People who know me know that I don't push my religious beliefs on others.  I'm not trying to convert them, I'm not trying to represent, none of that.  My first reaction was to say a more elaborate version of, "She is in my prayers," but I don't know a) what religion (if any) she is (I suspect, don't know but suspect, Neo-Pagan) and b) even if she's Christian, I don't know if saying that will bother her.

We all have these little things we do that fall outside our religious experiences.  When my teacher was sick, one of the coders, a very granola guy, said he was sending her reiki.  Do I believe in it?  No.  But I appreciated the gesture.  He wasn't trying to convert me (or her) using his mystic reiki powers, it was just a gesture of compassion and humanity.  But that's just with New Age-y reiki.  It's not a dominant, establishment religion.  There are people that, if you offer to say a prayer for them, will freak out.

This isn't to say they don't have the right to freak out, I know how annoying Christians can be.  But it leaves me in a bind.  I mean, what can I say?  I wouldn't be saying this to promote my religion or to try and spread the spirit or anything.  But I can't think of anything religiously neutral that will properly convey my sympathies and hopes for her.  And I don't want to say anything generally religious or specifically Christian for fear of her thinking I'm a dick.  So I'm left with something that sounds cold and impersonal, which could also make her think I'm a dick.

Conscience makes cowards of us all.  It also makes us isolated from each other.
Tags: important life lessons, religion, self reflection, things that make you go hmm
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