Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G
sinetimore

Bartender? Make Me Another So I Can Drink This Shit

"Clamato.  Tomato juice and clam juice mixed together, and you drink it.  And notice I say, 'YOU drink it.'  Who was it that took a sip of tomato juice and said, 'Mmm, that needs fish.  Put some fish in there.'"
--The late, great, and sorely missed Richard Jeni

I love college athletes.

Really.

I know, I'm not much of a sports fan, and it was the assletes that picked on me in school, and all that other bullshit.  But I love them.  I love them because I love science.  These people think nothing of turning their bodies into chemical testing labs.  Any drug, any chemical, anything, they'll try it -- meth, Gatorade, anabolic steroids, smoking banana leaves, sink crank, you name it, someone has ingested, injected, inhaled, or somehow imbued it.  People who complain about medical ethics and testing on animals should suggest scientists test on college athletes.  And scientists should take them up on it.

(Have you ever wondered why they call that watered down Koolaid "Gatorade?"  The drink was synthesized in 1965 at the University Of Florida, whose football team is the Gators.  The team was offered the drink on the sidelines, and they started attributing it to winning games.)

You think I jest.  Most of what we know about steroids now comes from studying athletes who were mainlining the stuff.  Medical literature on steroids was that they couldn't create the muscle growth and such athletes were saying, but what do you know?  Volunteer field trials rewrote the medical literature.  And it didn't cost tax payers a dime.

Athletes will try the weirdest shit in hopes of it making them, as Daft Punk sings, harder, better, faster, stronger.  This ranges from steroids to ginseng to one baseball player in the 80's who claimed he wore the same underwear, unwashed, in each of his winning games (everybody puke on three!  One two BLEEEEEEECH!).  But we live in an era when people are concerned about ingesting outright chemicals.  They want a health food, natural alternative.

Like pickle juice.

Pickle juice is an old suggestion that dates back decades.  It first got publicity in 2000 when the Philadelphia Eagles played the Dallas Cowboys at Texas Stadium.  The temperature was 110 degrees.  Eagles trainer Rick Burkholder told the players to drink pickle juice.  During the game, the Cowboys started cramping like crazy and the Eagles blew them out.  Burkholder says it was because of the pickle juice.

Last year, BYU decided to study pickle juice and see if it was bullshit.  Surprise, it wasn't.  They made athletes exercise to mild dehydration and the onset of cramps.  Those who drank pickle juice felt relief in 85 seconds, twice as fast as water or any other sport drink, including that miracle of modern chemistry, Gatorade.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers team nutritionist Kevin Luhrs explained the science.  "Pickle juice is a natural source of sodium as well as other electrolytes (It's what plants crave! -- G).  Sodium is a component of sweat. The rationale is that sodium from the pickle juice helps replace sodium losses from sweat and even helps retain water in the body."  There are some who swear by coconut water.  I hate coconut, but I'll gladly swill some of that instead of pickle juice.  There's a company making Pickle Juice Sport, and it's endorsed by Jarius Wynn of the Green Bay Packers.

And my co-workers think I'm weird for drinking so much tea.  I ought show up with some of this and freak them out.

Tags: did not do the research, don't try this at home, important life lessons, science in action, things that make you go hmm
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