What is going on, you ask?
There have been several on my friends list who are talking about how bad life is, that it sucks, that everything is just going off the rails for them, that nothing is working out for them. Lost jobs. Family rejection. Illness. Death.
And I see everyone struggling with the feelings I go through every day. Where you look around and wonder what the point of it all is, why you wake up in the morning, why you bash your head day in and day out against the rock solid wall the world has put up to keep the precious few safe from associating with you.
I don't know if I can help much. My situation right now is one of colossal inconvenience, nowhere near the level of pain and suffering you all are going through. But I have been there. Pretty recently, in fact. The only thing I can do is tell you what got me through those days.
It's what everyone is made to be.
Whether you believe in God, evolution, engineered by aliens, whatever, there is one basic fact about all of us -- we were made to survive. Life isn't fair. In fact, it's pretty goddamn lopsided. As a result, we have brains to figure things out. We have emotions to keep us from just going through the motions. We have each other to give us strength and help up in areas we can't handle.
This is the important part.
It's not so much that you simply wait out your bad situation. It's that you will FIGURE a way out. You can't help it. You are engineered to survive, to overcome obstacles and resist threats. Sooner or later, your mind will see something. Some plan. Some track. Or even just realize something that puts everything in a different light. Life won't get easier. But you will be able to handle it. An opening will eventually appear, and you will leave your situation behind.
I haven't really discussed this because I know how loaded it sounds, but this seems the best time to bring it up -- I'm not supposed to be here. I don't just mean I shouldn't have been born. I should be dead now. I won't go into detail (there's only one person I've discussed this with), but several years ago, a sequence of events was set in motion that, had I gone along with it, would have left me without anyone in my life, no money, no job, no future, and I know I would have killed myself. I never would have reconnected with my teacher. I wouldn't have met the awesome people here on my friends list. I wouldn't have seen anything I'd done see publication. I would have become a wasted life.
The key is to keep searching. Some of us are still searching, struggling against a world that doesn't care. It won't happen overnight. But it will. You can't win if you don't play. I've mentioned before the mistakes of the past. Not saying what they were, just that they were actions I took or inactions on my part that saw me separated from my oldest, dearest friends. Not a day goes by I don't wish I could go back in time and undo those days, when I would take my younger self and just beat the living daylights out of him until he understood what I do now, to keep what I now know is coming from happening. The pain, the humiliation, the shame, are so bad, I sometimes cry for no reason when thinking about it. But here's the interesting thing -- remember that chain of events I mentioned? I didn't realize it at the time, but for those events to unfold the way they were supposed to, I would have had to make the same mistakes I made all those years ago. But I didn't. I knew better without realizing it. I am not fated to make the same mistakes I made before, I can do better.
Things get better. You WILL come out of this just fine. In fact, you will come out of it better than ever.
Because we are all meant to survive. THAT is our truest fate.
And if you doubt me, look around. The world is full of people who were in tough situations who somehow found a way out. People finding true love and happiness after a disastrous first marriage. People with no money or support who manage to get into Ivy League schools. People seeing the money going out is more than the money coming in. People who are completely on their own in a strange new city. And each day, since the world began, people have been making connection. Learning from mistakes. Getting better. And getting to a point where they determine their lives, life doesn't just happen to them.
Do not doubt yourself. Things are bad right now, sure. But you will be fine. You have no choice but to be fine. People cannot live any other way.
Never EVER give up.