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"Now, it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow. And it is my duty -- it is ANYBODY'S duty! -- to stop them before they get too far.  NOW THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

And, by completing the oath, you reaffirm your membership in good standing with the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who really should consider honest work because they don't have what it takes for a life of crime.

Australia, Australia, Australia.  Land of predators.  Have you seen some of the shit they have there?  Crocodiles the size of a Kenworth.  Spiders the size of a punch bowl.  The blue ring octopus, a creature the size of a golf ball that has killed every human except one that it has stung.

So when you have a harsh environment like that and combine it with descendants of an ex-prison colony, you get a bunch of people you really shouldn't fuck with.  Some of you may remember my post a while ago about a guy who tried to mug a student outside an Australian ninja dojo, and promptly found himself being chased down by several martial arts students in full ninja garb (I don't know if that would qualify as Nightmare Fuel or Pure Awesome).  Everything in the country will kick your ass, even if it looks safe at the time.

As a thief in the city of Kenmore found out.

You're a criminal looking for an easy hit.  Criminals are predators, and predator prey on, anyone?  Beuller?  They prey on the weak, the sick, and the elderly, that's right.  This guy tried breaking into the house of Edwin and Jutta Dowdy.  He's 83, his wife is 76, and they've lived in that same house since 1966.

The Dowdys

And if you think that's easy pickings, I will remind you this is Australia.

The two elderly people above who look like they are ready to offer you a plate of cookies are actually Aikido black belts.  Both of them.  Smile when you take those cookies.

When the couple realized there was an intruder in the house, Edwin grabbed a knife and went to confront the guy, who had grabbed two of Jutta's handbags.  According to Edwin, he warned the guy he had a knife, but the intruder tried to push past him anyway and ran into the knife.  He started losing a LOT of blood.  Here's a shot of the Dowdy's property.

Dowdy Gate

Yeah.  According to Edwin, the thief "ran into the knife."

Oh you

The thief tried to break into a car to make a getaway a few doors down, but couldn't get inside and fled on foot (lots of blood there, too).  Police are on the lookout and warning people not to take unnecessary risks about fighting during a home invasion.

Sounds like something for the residents AND the thieves.  Crazy convicts....


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 28th, 2012 05:51 pm (UTC)
Australia sounds a bit uninviting on paper, but it's one of the countries I'm looking into moving to next year. Maybe I should take up a mixed martial art class before I go.
Oct. 28th, 2012 08:19 pm (UTC)
I understand Australia is absolutely beautiful. Just watch out for the localized critters. And unless you stick to city centers, makes sure you tank up with gas. People in Australia are absolutely dependent on their vehicles because of the sheer stretches of frontier everywhere. Oh, and no one there other than tourists drink Fosters, but they love the commercials.

Here's some primers for you (this may be a joke site, but I know a scientist in Australia, and she affirms all of this):

Regional layout: http://www.cracked.com/funny-2795-australian-outback/

Vegemite: http://www.cracked.com/funny-2748-vegemite/

Political representation: http://www.cracked.com/funny-5710-australian-politics/

Australian animals -- the least you need to know: http://www.cracked.com/funny-2797-deadly-australian-animals/

Australian animal primer: http://www.cracked.com/funny-5997-the-animals-that-make-australia-deathtrap-it-is/
Oct. 28th, 2012 08:23 pm (UTC)
Oh, and I think you weren't around when I wrote it, here's the article on the ninja attack:

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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