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How Much Will Those Sigs Get On eBay?

Hello, folks, and welcome to America's favorite reality show, DOUCHEBAGS ON PARADE!  I'm your host, Peter G.  Tonight's episode is being presented commercial free!  Why, we must something reeeeeeeeally special if we have so much stupidity, the stupidity of commercials is an afterthought.  Well, you're thinking right!

Anyone who thinks this has something to do with Roman Polanski, give yerselves a cigar!  (But please smoke it outdoors at least ten feet from an entrance.)  The other day, we presented Whoopi Goldberg, who's stance about rape-rape was amazingly shitheaded on its own.  But then again, she's a talking head on a talk show, where the requirement is to avoid the dreaded "dead air".  So people will say things either without thinking them through or without the clarity that will help make intentions absolutely clear.  So, if someone wants to take the crown from Whoopi, it has to be someone who has made their intentions crystal clear and has had time to weigh whether or not something is a good idea before throwing themselves under the train.

What's that?  We got someone who fits that bill?  We got 138 someones who fit that bill?!?

138 Hollywood folks (producers, directors, actors, etc.) have signed a petition "demand[ing] the immediate release" of Roman Polanski.  Folks, it's time to build our houses inside out and finish the asylum.

Erika Abrams, Fatih Akin, Yves Alberty, Stephane Allagnon, Woody Allen, Pedro Almodovar, Gianni Amelio, Wess Anderson, Michel Andrieu, Roger Andrieux, Jean-Jacques Annaud, Frédéric Aranzueque-Arrieta, Alexandre Arcady, Fanny Ardant, Asia Argento, Marie-Hélène Arnau, Darren Aronofsky, Olivier Assayas, Alexander Astruc, Gabriel Auer, Zdzicho Augustyniak, Alexandre Babel, Vladimir Bagrianski, Fausto Nicolás Balbi, Eleonor Baldwin, Jean-François Balmer, Alberto Barbera Museo nazionale de Torino, Luc Barnier, Christophe Barratier, Ernest Barteldes, Carmen Bartl, Pascal Batigne, Anne Baudry, Juan Antonio Bayona, Xavier Beauvois, Liria Begeja, Matthieu Béguelin, Gilles Behat, Jean-Jacques Beineix, Marco Bellochio, Yannick Bellon, Florence Bellone, Monica Bellucci, Véra Belmont, Jacqueline belon, Jean-Marc Benguigui, Djamel Bennecib, Luc Béraud, Jacob Berger, Alain Berliner, Gael Garcia Bernal, Pascal Berney, Bernardo Bertolucci, Giuseppe Bertolucci, Jean-Marie Besset, Marlène Bisson, Arnstein Bjørkly, Lucien Blacher, Virginie Blanc-Brude Bard, Jean-Marc Bloch, Catherine Boissière, Anne-Sylvie Bonaud, Olivier Bonnet, Thierry Boscheron, Freddy Bossy, Patrick Bouchitey, Cédric Bouchoucha, Paul Boujenah, Frédéric Bourboulon, Katia Boutin (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Ian Brady, Jacques Bral, Sophie Bramly, Paulo Branco, Patrick Braoudé, Guila Braoudé, Edwin Brienen, Isabelle Broué, Max Brun, Merima Bruncevic, Anne Burki, André Buytaers, Emilie Buzyn, Anthony Byrne, Marco Cacioppo, Gerald Calderon, Monica Cannizzaro, John Carchietta, Christian Carion, Henning Carlsen, Jean-Michel Carré, Esteban Carvajal Alegria, Lionel Cassan (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Bryan Cassiday, Mathieu Celary, Teco Celio, Muriel Cerf, Chagi, Jean-Yves Chalangeas, Daniel Champagnon, Christophe Champclaux, Georges Chappedelaine, Fabienne Chauveau, Claire Chazal, Patrice Chéreau, Brigitte Chesneau, Mishka Cheyko, Catherine Chiono, Catherine Chouchan, Elie Chouraqui, Souleymane Cissé, Jean- Pierre Clech, Henri Codenie, Robert Cohen, Suzanne Colonna, Jean-Paul Commin, Anne Consigny, Alain Cophignon, Alain Corneau, Jérôme Cornuau, Guy Courtecuisse (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Miguel Courtois, Antoine Courtray, Guillaume Cousin, Morgan Crestel, Dominique Crevecoeur, Penelope Cruz, Alfonso Cuaron, Estelle Cywje, Frédéric Damien, Sophie Danon, Olivier Dard, Luc et Jean-Pierre Dardenne, Isabelle Dassonville, Hervé de Luze (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Artus de Penguern, Valérie de Saint-Do, Virginie De Wilde, Viviane Decuypere, Guillermo del Toro, Benoît Delmas, Jonathan Demme, Ruud den Dryver, Dante Desarthe, Romain Desbiens, Sophie Deschamps, Thomas Desjonquères (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Alexandre Desplat, Chris Devi, Rosalinde et Michel Deville, Guillaume D'Ham (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Christelle Didier (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Kathrin DiPaola, Claire Dixsaut, Xavier Dolan, Ariel Dorfman, Jean Douchet, Jean Douchet, Fabrice du Welz, Marina Duarte Nunes Ferreira, Marc Dufrenois, Sissi Duparc, Jean Dusaussoy, Georges Dybman, Daniel Edinger, Yaniv Elani, Elrem, Sam Enoch,  Ernest, Jacques Fansten, Joël Farges, Gianluca Farinelli (Cinémathèque de Bologne), Etienne Faure, Maud et Romain Ferrari, Michel Ferry, Jean Teddy Filippe (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Aurélie Fiorentino, Alan Fischer, Martine Fitoussi, Sebastian Fleischhacker, Joy Fleury., Michael Flynn, Hugues Fontenoy, Scott Foundas, Werner Fraai, Jean-Robert Franco, Stephen Frears, Thierry Frémaux, Marc Freycon, Sam Gabarski, René Gainville, Sara Gandolfi, Matteo Garone, Yves Gasser, Tony Gatlif, Catherine Gaudin-Montalto, Jean-Marc Gauthier, Costa Gavras, Nathalie Geiser, Lizi Gelber, Isabelle Gély, Jean-Marc Ghanassia, Alain Gil, Véronique Gillet, Terry Gilliam, Christian Gion, François Girault, Stéphane Gizard, Carlos Miguel Bernardo González, Christophe Goumand, Michel Gras, Eric Gravereau, Martin Gregus, Philippe Gruss, Marc Guidoni, Marta Gutowska, Mikael Håfström, Ronald Harwood, Dimitri Haulet, Geert Heirbaut, Buck Henry, David Heyman, Laurent Heynemann, Joshua Highfield , Dominique Hollier, Isabelle Hontebeyrie, Frédéric Horiszny, Robert Hossein, Jean-Loup Hubert, Wendy Hudson, Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Gilles Jacob, Eric et Veronique et Nicolas Jacquelin, Just Jaeckin, Thomas Jahn, Olivia Janik, Jean-Baptiste Jay, Anne Jeandet, Alain Jessua, Renate Jett, Sébastien Jimenez, Arthur Joffé, Pierre Jolivet, Kent Jones (World Cinema Foundation), Peter Josy, Alexandra Julen, Paola Jullian, Roger Kahane, Pierre Kalfon, Elisabeth Kalinowski, Reena Kanji, Nelly Kaplan, Wong Kar Waï, Darius Khondji, Ladislas Kijno, Richard Klebinder, Jonathan Klein, Harmony Korinne, Jan Kounen, Sylvia Kristel, Diane Kurys, Emir Kusturica, Irene Kuznetzova, Jean Labadie, Eliane Lacroux, Michel Laigle, Stéphane Lam, John Landis, Claude Lanzmann, David Lanzmann, André Larquié, Pauline Larrieu, Jacques et Françoise Lassalle, Carole Laure, Christine Laurent-Blixen, Pierre Laville, Emilien Lazaron (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost"), Eric Le Roy, Fábio Leal, Vinciane Lecocq, Patrice Leconte, Linda Lefebvre, Béatrice Lefoulon, Delphine Legros, Claude Lelouch, Ann Lemonnier, Alain Lenglet, Gérard Lenne, Larry Levine, Lorraine Lévy, Pierre et Renée Lhomme, Marceline Loridan-Ivens, Michael Louis Wells, Catalina Lozano, Hugo Luczyc-Wyhowski, Flore Luquet, Laurence Lustyk, David Lynch, Bania Madjbar, Laurent Malet, Tim Malieckal, Guy Malugani, Erling Mandelmann, Michael Mann, Yvon Marciano, François Margolin, Jean-Pierre Marois, Tonie Marshall, Alain Martin, Sandrine Martin, Danielle Martinetti, Didier Martiny, Mario Martone, Christine Mathis, Esmeralda Mattei, Nicolas Mauvernay, Yannick Mazet, Christopher, Spencer et Claire Mc Andrew, Natalie Mei, Guillermo Menaldi, Mathieu Mercier, Muriel Mercier, Frédéric Mermoud, Laura Metaxa, Allison Michel, Radu Mihaileanu, Jean-Louis Milesi, Claude Miller, Lionel Miniato, Nelly Moaligou, Jean - Marc Modeste , Mario Monicelli, Jeanne Moreau, Gael Morel, Omayra Muñiz Fernández, Stephanie Murat, Christian Mvogo Mbarga, Anna N.Levine, Charles Nemes, Juliette Nicolas-Donnard, Sandra Nicolier, Rachel Noël, Rui Nogueira, Olivier Nolin, Alejandra Norambuena Skira, Fabrice Nordmann, Fabrice O. Joubert, Michel Ocelot, David Ogando, Mariana Oliveira Santos, Szentgyörgyi Ottó, Martine Pagès, Eric Pape, Abner Pastoll, Alexander Payne, Nicola Pecorini, Richard Pena (Directeur Festival de NY), Lindsey Pence, Olivier Père, Suzana Peric (Membre de l'équipe du dernier film de Roman Polanski "The Ghost") , Jacques Perrin, Thomas Pibarot, Arnaud Pierrichon, Stéphane Pietri, Anne Pigeon Bormans, Samuel Pinon, Claude Pinoteau, Michele Placido, Sabrina Poidevin, Agnès Catherine Poirier, Jean-Yves Potel, Stéphane Pozderec, Harry Prenger, Jean et Marie Prévost, Gilbert Primet, Marie-Hélène Raby, Philippe Radault, Tristan Rain, Florence Raphaël, Jean-Paul Rappeneau, Joseph Rassam, Rolandas Rastauskas, Brett Ratner, Raphael Rebibo, Jo Reymen, Laurence Reymond, Yasmina Reza, Christiane Rhein, Jacques Richard, Dominique Robert, Jean-Jacques Rochut, Yannick Rolandeau, Paul Rondags, Avital Ronell, Frank Roozendaal, Graciela Rosato, Kontochristopoulou Roula, Laurence Roulet, Joshua Rout, Paolo Roversi, Florence Rphael, Isabelle Ruh, Martin Ruhe, Sonia Rykiel, Anita S. Chang, Esteban S. Goffin, JOAQUÍN Sabina, Marc Saffar, Ludivine Sagnier, Gabriela Salazar Scherman, Walter Salles, Jean-Paul Salomé, Jean-Frédéric Samie, Marc Sandberg, Léo Scalpel, Jerry Schatzberg, Richard Schlesinger, Daniel Schmidt, Georg Schmithüsen, Julian Schnabel, Pierre Schoendoerffer, Barbet Schroeder, J. Neil Schulman, Pierre Schumacher, Pierre-Alexandre Schwab, Ettore Scola, Luis Gustavo Sconza Zaratin Soares, Martin Scorsese, Steven Sedgwick, Steven Sedgwick, Andrea Sedlackova, Frank Segier, Michèle Seguin-Sirhugue, Guy Seligmann, Elis Semczuk, Lorenzo Semple Jr, Julien Seri, Sophie Sharkov, Boris Shlafer, Antoine Silber, Pierre Silvant, Charlotte Silvera, Noel Simsolo, Christophe Sirodeau, Abderrahmane Sissako, Beatrice Sisul , Petter Skavlan, Marcin Sokolowski, Paolo Sorrentino, Roch Stephanik, Karen Stetler, Guillaume Stirn, Gérard Stum, Jean-Marc Surcin, Tilda Swinton, Jean-Charles Tacchella, Radovan Tadic, Danis Tanovic, Bertrand Tavernier, André Techiné, Cécile Telerman, Harold Alvarado Tenorio, Alain Terzian, Christian Texier, Valentine Theret, Virginie Thévenet, Pascal Thomas, Jeremy Thomas, Marc Thomas Charley, Giuseppe Tornatore, Serge Toubiana, Nadine Trintignant, Julie Turcas, Mitja Tušek, Tom Tykwer, Alexandre Tylski, Stephen Ujlaki, Jaques Vallotton, Phil van der Linden, Betrand van Effenterre, Leopold van Genechten, Christophe van Rompaey, Dorna van Rouveroy, Elbert van Strien, Vangelis, Alessio Vannetti, Lucília Verdelho da Costa, Christian Verdu, Jean-Pierre Vergne, Sarah Vermande, Julien Veyret, Marc Villemain, Jean-François Villemer, Daria Vinault, Verde Visconti, Thomas Vossart, Gilles Walusinski, Eric Watton, Dominique Welinski, Wim Wenders, Anaïse Wittmann, A Wolanin, Margot Wolfs, Arnaud Xainte, Paule Zajdermann, Christian Zeender, Terry Zwigoff.
Here's the TL;DR version -- lots of French names (what a surprise).  Among the more WTF names are Woody Allen (yup, the guy who thought it was a good idea to marry his girlfriend's daughter.  What an endorsement), Pedro Almodovar, Asia Argento, Monica Bellucci, Penelope Cruz (finally, she did something more insane than date Tom Cruise!  You go, girl!), Jonathan Demme, Terry Gilliam (WHY, GOD, WHY?!?), Buck Henry (same thing), John Landis, Larry Levine, David Lynch, Michael Mann, Richard Pena, Brett Ratner, Martin Scorsese, Tilda Swinton, and Vangelis.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the genius creators of South Park, said that 90% of all people in Hollywood are douchebags.  It's nice of them to let us know who they are so we can avoid them.

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Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
mornblade
Oct. 2nd, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
I have a simple cure for this. A) call each and every person on that list and tell them to STFU. B) put Polanski on trial under the name "Alan Smithee". C) refuse to give ANY special privileges to criminal celebrities EVER AGAIN!

That's the reason for Alan Smithee. Treat celebs that commit crimes EXACTLY like they treat Joe Smoe when he commits crimes. Then maybe the rich and powerful celeb bastards will learn to STOP.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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