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Two's Company, Three's A Sandwich

I love what passes for news nowadays.

There are headlines on Yahoo about how Wil Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith might have an "open marriage."

It is inspiring breathless comments about another blow to the sanctity of marriage and that.  Keep in mind there are plenty of rumors that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also have an open marriage, but no one is bitching about that.  Probably because they dream of getting lucky with one or both of them.  Anybody having fantasies about the Fresh Prince or his wife from that nursing show that got lost on its way to Lifetime?  No?  LET'S PICK ON THEM!  It's kind of like how guys think two guys kissing is gross but two women kissing is hot, even though the lipstick lesbians they see in porn are not what your everyday average lesbian looks like. How much tolerance we have for the unusual is directly proportional to how much it entertains us.  More's the pity.

Now, I suppose I could post my thoughts on open marriages in general.

But I'm not going to.

The reason is simple:  IT'S NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS.  Besides, there is bias to my opinions.  I'm monogamous, which means my reasoning is based on a relationship model that works for me.  Anyone into poly would find as many holes in my reasoning as I would find in theirs.  As such, it's not a matter of fact, but a matter of what people prefer and/or what works for them.  So my poo-pooing something that I ultimately don't understand is not just stupid, but it's a dick move.  So I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Marriage may be a sacred, loving act, but it also is subject to lots of interpretation.  People get married for reasons other than love all the time.  Likewise, people marry for different kinds of love.  Freddie Mercury was married to a woman while being in a gay relationship, and his inability to reconcile the things he trusted each with but not both haunted him until his death.  There's a web cartoonist who is a lesbian but married to a man.  And it's not a matter of convenience, she feels genuine love for the guy, they are domestic partners, but she isn't intimate with him because it's not the same kind of love she feels for women (she gets hammered, unfairly IMHO, as a traitor because if she was really gay, she'd dump him.  Marriage does not mean you are stuck with one team or the other.  And that goes double for the people saying Anna Paquin can't possibly be bi because she's married to a guy.  Contrary to what your parents demonstrate, marriage does not limit or kill sexuality).

Poly is not the end of traditional marriage simply because marriage is what you make of it.  Someone like me would uphold traditional marital values because I like those ideas.  But if other people don't agree with them and ultimately reject them, that doesn't make my own marriage or view of it any less valid.  Likewise, just because people have found something that may be unusual but it works for them, they aren't any worse just because they aren't like me.

A lot of these "controversies" are just people projecting themselves and reacting.  It's very simple.  You don't like gay sex?  You think it's icky?  Then don't have gay sex.  You don't like open relationships?  Then don't have one.  Making yourself happy at the cost of making others miserable is a terrible way to live life.

There's an old Polish proverb that says, "Your right to swing your fist ends at my nose."  There's a lot of people that seem to value certain noses over others.

Comments

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(Deleted comment)
sinetimore
Apr. 7th, 2013 01:35 am (UTC)
It's not just polygamous marriages in the Bible, there are concubines and even just plain mistresses (the house of Solomon was actually bigger than the temple (what an ego trip) and it house 1,000 wives AND mistresses. The exact number depends on interpretation, but it was somewhere between a 50/50 split and 70/30. Still, that's an awful lot of wives and mistresses. Of course, there's also the issue that women were treated like cattle instead of human beings, so that's another mark against the Old Days. But that gets swept under the rug. Change is scary because you never know what the results will be, and some people will do anything, from changing the meaning of words they are supposed to follow to ignoring them outright. As long as it keeps them from having to face the boogeyman of not having it all figured out.
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