Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Jeepers, Creepers

My fellow Americans.  I need your help to deal with a growing menace.  One that is, in actuality, quite illegal.

I'm talking, of course, about creepers.

You are probably wondering what a "creeper" is.  Allow me to illustrate.

Let's say you are driving down the highway and there is road construction ahead.  Traffic merges from the left lane into the right.  Things are backed up for, say, five miles.  And you look at the left lane, and you see it is wide open for two or three miles.  And you think to yourself, Hey!  Maybe I can go in the left lane and get a bit of a jump on the bottleneck, save myself some time.

But you can't do that.  Because ahead of you in the left lane is a car.  It is keeping exact pace with traffic in the right lane -- it won't go faster, it won't go slower, it stops when it stops.  And it's not looking to merge and being skittish, because when someone allows a space to open up so they can merge, they will not move over to the right.  They continue to sit in the left lane, blocking its legal use, just creeping along....

Folks?  That's a creeper.

Now, I want to emphasize there's a difference between the above and someone close to the bottleneck who just tries to get a few cars ahead.  That's just rude and a waste of time.  I'm talking about when there is a HUGE distance that could in fact be traveled if it weren't for the person creating their own bottleneck.

Creepers feel safe doing this because they aren't doing anything illegal, they are just driving safely in unusual conditions -- anything happens, it'll be the person behind them that gets the ticket.  I've seen creepers that ride the middle of the highway, keeping their own place in merged traffic while occupying enough of the left lane to be annoying.  The other day, I saw one with a 4X4 off road vehicle behind it.  The 4X4 decided to go on the left shoulder to get around the creeper.  The creeper responded by moving ONTO THE LEFT SHOULDER so the 4X4 had to go off road to get around them.

That is asshole behavior.

That must be stopped.

So, I am turning to the power of participatory government.  I propose making creeping a federal crime.  You have to give them a chance just in case they are simply scared of getting in a fender bender when they merge, like when semis that can't really see you are moving along.  But if you have a clear cut case of creeping, you are within your rights to yank them out of their car like GTA and tune them up a little.  Oh, and since they likely won't be able to drive for a while, do your duty as a good citizen and remove the obstruction -- the ditch is probably the only place you'll be able to put their car.  Then get back in yours and drive on.  You have no choice, you are creating a road obstruction otherwise.

Together, we can do this.  Democracy works!
Tags: can i get a fuckin a?!?, don't try this at home, haven't we suffered enough, infernal gall, just desserts, lord hear our prayer, no sir i don't like it, not this shit again, portents of doom, sez who? sez me!, stupidity, throwing elbows, wrong on every level, wtf
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