Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Letters From Our Readers: Dog Days Are Here Again

I've got some new readers, so let me first address the question, and then I'll explain what the hell I'm talking about for those that don't know.

I got an IM asking if, in light of me declining the David Hasselhoff Challenge, if Operation Doggy Style was still on.

Yes, it is still on standby.

Now, for those of you who are wondering what exactly Operation Doggy Style is -- in my career as a dedicated prankster, ODS is to be my masterpiece.  The target is one Ron Mexico, or as you may know him, Michael Vick.  Vick is the dipshit who became a pariah when it was discovered he was running a dogfighting ring (he's done other bullshit as well, but the dogfighting is what I'm focusing on here).  Vick personally killed dogs who didn't perform up to snuff and generally acted like a douche.  He lost his job in the NFL and his name was a punchline.

Then he returned to the NFL and started winning games.  Suddenly, he wasn't a pariah anymore.  Everyone loves a winner, and what's a few dogs if it means bringing the fans a championship trophy?  People like me found our criticism being rewritten as racism or hating or whatever.  The Humane Society and the SPCA publicly recommended Vick be allowed to have a dog again.  This came shortly after a generous donation was made by Vick to their organizations (in case you wonder why I call them "sell outs," now you know).  People started treating his story as a triumph of the human spirit, of coming back from the lowest depths instead of an opportunist using sports team loyalty to his advantage.

vickdogAnd this is where Operation Doggy Style comes into play:  pictured here was a snarky video game cover someone made.  Looking at it got me thinking -- I have a RAD toolkit that would enable me to make an actual Michael Vick Dogfighting game in one weekend and three pots of coffee.  Operation Doggy Style would go like this -- I would code the game and burn it to ten discs.  Ten cases, color inserts and all.  I would then enlist ten co-conspirators.  Nine of them would get copies of the game, I would get the tenth copy.  The tenth co-conspirator would get a video camera.  We would then locate a place where Vick is signing autographs.  All ten of us would then attempt to get him to sign the game.  The guy with the camera is to make sure, if things get heated, that there will be a document of his behavior.

I already have one volunteer, the fine and upstanding Ty Nelson.  He is the Minister Of Intelligence.  He gets autographs from NFL players and tours their training camps all the time.  He knows the athletes' general behavior and when would be the best time to strike.  He's just waiting for me to determine when Vick is within striking distance of my Chicago outpost and green light the operation.  Successful agents get to keep their autographed copies to do what they wish with (display them, auction them for charity, whatever).  And you just know the press will LOVE talking about this.

Some of us don't forget evil so easily, Vick.  And some of us can't wait to inflict our own.
Tags: art, be attitude for gains, can i get a fuckin a?!?, cheap shots r us, computers, destroying childhood memories, don't say i didn't warn you, haven't we suffered enough, hypocrisy, i do all my own stunts, i'll drink to that, i'm such a bitch, infernal gall, it's a conspiracy!, letters from our readers, no sir i don't like it, punk as phuck, pure awesome, sez who? sez me!, stupidity, technology is a beautiful thing, things that make you go hmm, this ought to be interesting, throwing elbows, video games, wrong on every level, wtf
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