Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Junior Matlock Club -- Oversharing Claims Another Victim

We've got new readers, and that means possible new inductees into the Junior Matlock Club, where we look at criminals who should look into another line of work as they don't have what it takes for a life of crime.  Membership is easy.  There's no fees, no forms to fill out, you just have to join us in reciting the oath, as created by Barney Fife --

"Now, it is from little misdemeanors that major felonies grow.  And it is my duty -- it is ANYBODY'S duty -- to stop them before they get too far.  Now THE LAW MUST BE UPHELD!"

And with that out to the way, you are now fully fledged members of the Junior Matlock Club.  And today, we're looking at 22 year old Colleen Cudney, who lives in the area of Westland, Michigan.  Cudney had been busted for drunken driving, and part of her sentence was to be put on probation.  And among the terms of her probation was random breathalyzer testing.

Did we here in American just have a holiday?  Why, yes, we did!  And for those of you thinking "Ash Wednesday," good guess, but no. It was St. Patrick's Day, which is supposed to honor a Christian saint but instead is a day for people who can't hold their liquor to make asses of themselves.  Like most people, Cudney tipped a couple of wet ones that day.  Well, surprise, she got called in for a random breathalyzer test by her Westland probation officer the next day.  But she didn't tip enough wet ones, and she passed the breathalyzer.

How do we know about this?

Because she posted it on her Facebook.

"Buzz killer for me, I had to breatalyze (sic) this morning and I drank yesterday but I passed thank god lol my dumb**. (sic)"

Well, this was spotted by a Westland police officer, who promptly linked it to the probation officer.  The probation officer called Cudney, saying she was to come in for a urine test, which would detect any alcohol consumed within the last 80 hours.

Now, when you find yourself in a hole, the first thing you need to do is stop digging.  So what course of action did Cudney take?

She hung up on the probation officer.  Did you know hanging up on a probation officer is a probation violation before now?  Well, neither did she.

Cudney's probation was supposed to end in a few weeks.  Instead, she's due back in court on April 1 for a probation hearing, and is looking at spending three months in the slammer for probation violations.

So the lesson is, when you manage to beat the system, keep your fool mouth shut about it.
Tags: computers, did not do the research, don't say i didn't warn you, don't try this at home, duh, i feel much better about myself, important life lessons, junior matlock club, just desserts, portents of doom, stupidity, technology is a beautiful thing, wrong on every level, wtf
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