Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G

Talk About Your Dead End Jobs

In those great heady days of MXC, one of the jokes was that a contestant ran background checks for suicide bombers.  "You don't want just anyone martyring themselves, you know."

Once again, Reality comes along to ruin a perfectly funny joke (this was reported and verified by Vox and the Wall Street Cheat Sheet).  The Office of the Director of National Intelligence recently declassified a bunch of documents, and mixed in there were a bunch regarding Osama bin Laden and al-Qaeda.  There's a list of what books bin Laden on his shelf.  There's seized correspondence between bin Laden and family members.  But the real surprise is a real, legit, honest to God application to become a member of al-Qaeda.

 Yes.  You have to fill out an application with a bunch of questions like if you were getting a job at McDonald's.  I'm not kidding, a lot of the questions sound like something Americans would fill out (I guess we're not so different after all.  It's a small world after aaaaaaaall....).  And it sounds like something out of MAD Magazine.  Here a Cliff's Notes on the application -- applicants are instructed to write clearly and legibly, answer the questions truthfully, and if you have any questions or issues with the application, bring those to “your direct brother supervisor.”  You then tell about your family history, education level, and what languages you are fluent in.

Then we get to the weird shit:

“Date of your arrival in the land of Jihad”
“How much of the holy Qur’an have you memorized? Did you study Shari’a? Who was your instructor?”
“What objectives would you like to accomplish on your jihad path?”
“Are any of your relatives and friends in the jihad theater?”  (There's nepotism in jihad?  We really AREN'T so different after all!)
“What ideas do you, your family, and your other acquaintances have about jiahd for Allah’s sake?”
“Who should we contact in case you became a martyr?”

Stop the world, I want to get off.
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