Peter G (sinetimore) wrote,
Peter G
sinetimore

Being Polish Should Be Members Only

"Dude, I know you take pride in your Polish roots, but aren't you being a little...selective?"

What do you mean, "selective?"

"You don't mention anyone you don't like."

I mention the Wachowskis are Polish.  They're from Chicago.

"When people ask you to name famous Poles, who do you say?"

Chopin.  Copernicus.  Stefanie Powers....

"She's Polish?"

Full blood, grew up in the old neighborhood in NYC.

"...who else?"

Johannes Hevelius, the first to study the topography of the moon.  Joanna Pacula.  Joseph Conrad.  Peter Steele and Josh Silver from the band Type O Negative.  Marie Curie.  Leelee Sobieski.  Loretta Swit...

"Hot Lips is Polish?"

Postawić.  Let's see...Max Factor.  Arthur Miller.  Larry King.  Paul Newman.  Peter Falk.  Casimir Pulaski....

"Okay, what exactly did he do to get his own holiday?"

He founded the American Cavalry.

"Oh."

Scarlet Johansson....

"She's Polish?"

Part Polish, at any rate.  Lots of us mudbloods out there.  Stanley Kubrick.  Basia....

"Crushes don't count."

I'll remove Basia if you remove Johansson.

"...not happening.  Continue."

...that's all I can think of.

"You are ignoring people you don't like."

Like who?

"Roman Polanski."

Do you blame me for not mentioning him?

"...no.  How about Pope John Paul II?"

...well, you got me there.

"You don't mention Natalie Portman, either."

She's Israeli, not Polish.

"Nope, she's got Polish blood in her veins."

I didn't know that.

"Uh huh.  And what about Axl Rose?"

...he's not Polish.

"He totally has Polish roots.  And so does Eminem.  And Marilyn Manson."

You take that back, you son of a bitch.

"Gweneth Paltrow, fucker!"

That's it!  Arming nukes, tracing IP address!

Man, I feel depressed right now....
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