Hi, mom, it's your son. How are you and dad doing?
"Is anything wrong?!?"
No, just thought I'd be a good son and call my parents and say I love them. Whatcha doin'?
"...WE'RE WATCHING THE CUBS GAME!"
Oh. Is that going on right now?
"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IT'S GOING ON NOW!"
* switch to speaker, so my dad can get in on this *
Mom: "You're calling now?!?"
Dad: "Of course, he's calling now! This is because I took your MXC discs without asking, isn't it?!?"
Me: No. I keep hearing that the best gift a parent can receive is a call from their kid. I'm just trying to be nice.
Dad: "Is there any particular reason you had to call now?"
Me: Well, I'm lonely, and I miss my parents....
Dad: "You son of a bitch."
Me: Don't talk about my mother that way.
Me: Well, excuse me for being a good son. I mean, when's the last time you talked to my sister?
Dad: "About two hours ago. BEFORE the game started."
Me: So I love you more recently than her.
* CLICK! *
Oh, I'm such a bitch....