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Coffee Clutch

NOTE:  This column does not violate my present policy of not bothering with politics anymore.  I am not discussing politics, I am discussing basic human stupidity.

Both the Hillary and Trump evangelists are stupid.  Not the people who weighed their options and made their choice -- I may disagree with their reasoning and conclusions, but they made the best decision they could in an election with literally no good option.  I'm talking about people who buillt a golden calf in the shape of their prefered candidate and damn any detraction.

For example, the Hillary evangelists.  Reports came in the day after the election that college students were being excused from class so they could see grief counselors and be provided with pizza to help them come to terms with their feelings.  You know, some of us couldn't even get time off of work WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER DIED.  How these people are going to function in mass society when they halt their worlds over losing an election, I don't know.

But while that's pretty stupid, it's just conventional stupid.  The Trump evangelists are equally stupid, but they are far more entertaining about it.  It's been a rough week getting ready for the start of the holiday season, and last night, I got a major laugh I so desperately needed.

I got out of work, and I made my way to Starbucks for an iced chai latte and a little net surfing.  And while I was there, I heard a barista who completed someone's order call out, "Trump!"  And a bunch of college aged kids whose clothing screamed, "Manufactured trendy rebeliousness," cheered as one of them sauntered up to the counter to get his drink.  One by one, this group of three placed an order, the name, "Trump!" was called, they cheered, and got their stuff.  Once all three of them were done, they left.

I went up to the barista (I'm on good terms with her) and asked what the hell that was about.  It seems that, a week or two ago, some putz was in a Starbucks.  He was white, the barista was black, and the customer decided to throw his weight around, berating the barista and informing her that he voted for Trump like that was some sort of proof of his superiority.  I hate people who abuse waitstaff -- some minimum wage person is just trying to get through the day, and you decide to add three inches to your dick by bullying them socially.  Fuck off.

So, this asshole apparently started a trend that I unknowingly saw demonstrated.  In order to show up Starbucks and its reputation as a bastion of liberalism, people are ordering their drinks and, when asked for a name for the order, saying, "Trump."  This means, when the barista completes your order, they have to call out, "Trump!"  And in these people's little 2-volt brains, this is affirming their god because they took advantage of the system to make people acknowlege him and triggers their Pavlovian response of clapping, applauding, and probably coming a little.

Now, I've already established I hate people who take advantage of waitstaff, and this is all about public humiliation, using innocent people to stick it to a major corporation.  So why am I laughing instead of getting upset?

It's simply a matter of technique.  See, most boycotts and protests are supposed to COST corporations money, not REWARD them with money.

Trump evangelists are seeking to punish Starbucks...by making them richer.  I have to admit, I had never considered this option before.  This was like the Christian bluenoses who protested Pokemon as Satanic by buying up the cards from the stores so that they weren't available to sell to kids.  As satirized in Dork Tower, there were stores buying extra boxes of cards just so the protesters could buy them up and they could make more money.  I imagine that's Starbucks -- "Yeah, you're making our employees say Trump's name. That'll be $12 plus tax, please."

All I could do was stand there laughing.  Trump evangelists are so focused on worshiping their god, they don't see the flaws and problems, as long as their guy wins.  And this is the ultimate proof of that.

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