I am SUCH a bitch. I may not be going to Florida this year, but I can still prank my mother!
For those that came in late -- at about 7AM Chicago time, I got a phone call from my parents that they had grabbed my grandmother and were evacuating ahead of Hurricane Irma, which had shifted course and was now aiming right for their house on the gulf side of Florida. About 1PM, I got a text from mom saying they had arrived at a hotel in Georgia and were safe. Figuring that they were going to get some rest and some dinner, I resigned that I wouldn't talk to them until later tonight. They were safe, and I went on about my business.
Now, I need to explain what I was going to pull. When I went to DisneyWorld in 2015, I stayed at Disney's Art Of Animation Resort. Obviously, I loved it there -- when I first walked in the door of my room in the Little Mermaid wing, I closed the door and said quietly to myself, "Chewie? We're home." Mom had asked me if maybe she and my dad would come there and spend a few days at the AoA Resort with me. I dismissed the notion -- for an animation nut like me, this was amazing. My mom, who thinks cartoons are for kids and doesn't like them, would only be thinking, "This is as corny as Kansas in August." I really didn't want a significant portion of my trip eaten up by my mom grumbling about her surroundings.
So, we move forward to July and this year's D23 Expo, where Disney was announcing all the new stuff coming to their theme parks, movie slates, and so on. Dad knows I dig this stuff, and we would spend hours talking about Disney's new plans, me from the official angle, and him from what everyone in Florida was saying (he wanted to go to AoA Resort because, "It's all anyone here talks about." Not Port Orleans, not the Dolphin and Swan, but AoA). And while I was tracking the stories coming out that weekend, a thought for a prank hit me.
One that would drive my mom berserk.
As has been previously established, mom isn't thrilled that I still love cartoons. However, the worst part for her is that I watch the new My Little Pony cartoon. Once, while meeting a bunch of their friends, I mentioned that I was going to see the Equestria Girls movie in the theaters that weekend, and my mom looked like she wanted the Earth to open up and swallow her (strangely, the fact that three of her neighbors also watched MLP didn't make her think it was any better). And seeing what Disney was planning for their properties like Guardians Of The Galaxy and Star Wars and Pixar and such got me wondering. Universal has been nipping at Disney's heels. Wouldn't it be funny if Universal decided to make it's own version of the Art Of Animation Resort, and licensed Hasbro properties to do it? Their resort could have wings for GI Joe, Transformers, and My Little Pony....
When I talked to dad, I mentioned to him that, around the time the MLP movie came out this October, I was going to tell mom that Universal was making a resort themed around Hasbro porperties like My Little Pony, and I was going to stay in one of the MLP rooms. I was quite proud of myself, and told dad, I don't know how I could make this any funnier.
My dad said, "I do. I'm going to tell your mom I'll help pay for it."
Well, stick a crowbar up my ass and use me as a fidget spinner, that sounds like a dandy idea! I dubbed the endeavor Operation: Pony Express and hunkered down for the right time.
Just a little bit ago, I called dad and we caught up on the situation. Grandma didn't want to sleep alone, so mom was sharing a room with her, dad was on his own. Everything was fine. Dad had called me on the house phone, so when my cell phone went off with the ringtone that sounds like a warning siren, he simply said, "That's your mother. Go ahead, I'll talk to you later."
So I get on the phone with mom. She's tired. She's cranky. She's furious about the price gouging that's going on. Grandma is a bundle of nerves. She is exhausted.
You know, mom, I was thinking. So I'm not going to Florida this year because of the hurricanes.
"Oh, it's not usually this bad. You can come next year."
Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You know Disney's Art Of Animation Resort, right? I'm thinking of staying someplace else next year.
"Oh, really? Like where?"
And I lay out the "proposed" Hasbro resort and the My Little Pony rooms.
Mom actually dropped the phone. I thought to myself, This could be more fun than I anticipated.
"...well...that sounds nice...."
Well, remember when you said you wanted to stay at the Art Of Animation Resort with me?
Her voice cracked. "Yes?"
Well, I talked with dad, and he thinks it'd be great if you guys also got a room there, too, and we can have a family vacation from the My Little Pony resort!
"...well...that sounds nice...."
He's even offering to help me foot the bill.
"That sounds nice....listen, your grandmother needs to get ready for bed. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
Sure, mom. Take care. I love you. Give my best to grandma.
She didn't say anything, she just hung up the phone.
Oh, even from up here, I can just her the capilaries in her brain popping like little firecrackers. I sent dad a text warning him Operation: Pony Express was underway. He texted me back saying he would be sure to bring it up at breakfast tomorrow and he'd let me know how she was dealing with it.
Every once in a while, I wind up having more fun than the law allows. This is going to be one of those times.